Aaron Livesy: What Do I Do Now?
by Dayne Dinning
Summary: Aaron is unaware of what the months ahead hold. The love of his life is gone. How will Aaron cope? What will he do now? Other Characters will be written too – Chas & Hazel mainly. Reviews welcome as always! X
1. The Unseen Scene

-AARON LIVESY - WHAT DO I DO NOW? -

"THE UNSEEN SCENE"

_- I was going to take a break lol but inspiration hit...This fanfic came about after an idea for a one shot, a possible 'unseen scene' before Aaron runs of out Dale Head, but I'm going to write it from that point onwards. Enjoy! – Just a small one to start :) _

_..._

The room was filled with the sound of Hazel's crying and Aaron's sobbing. Jackson was fading. Aaron was shaking, the glass was empty, the glass that was filled with poison was now empty. _What have I done? _Aaron thought to himself frantically. His sobbing came harder as he put the glass to one side. He held Jackson's hand with the other, Jackson couldn't feel it but he was aware at least. Aaron leaned down and rested his head on his chest. "I love you so much; I'll never forget you, you made everything better, you've always been here for me...why Jackson?" Aaron sobbed. "Why did you want to leave me?" he asked as he felt and heard Jackson's breathing become less. "Sleep tight Jackson..." Aaron cried hard to the point he couldn't breathe then he felt Hazel's hand on his shoulder. Aaron shook his head. "I can't..." he gasped for air. "I love him so much"

Hazel nodded. "He knows you do love"

Aaron lifted himself up Jackson's eyes were partially open and Aaron couldn't help but look into his amazing brown eyes one last time and he smiled at him. "Wait for me?" Aaron whispered.

Jackson was weak, he could feel the poison shutting down every organ and system in his body but he managed to muster one last small smile at his boyfriend and an ever so slight nod. The two most important people in his life were there in his final moments, he didn't want it any other way. His vision blurred, blocking the images of those loved ones out of his sight and then he took his last breath.

Hazel and Aaron broke down as they watched him go, but his smile, they'd both remember forever. Aaron stood up and leaned down and kissed his lips. "Remember..." Aaron wiped his eyes. "You said you'd come back and watch over me if you get the chance..." Aaron looked up and saw Jackson's eyes were still partially open and his face scrunched as another bout of emotion waded through him. He felt like someone had cut him open it hurt so much. He was still shaking and he reached up and passed his hands over Jackson's eyes with his hand to close them.

He turned to Hazel as he cried. "I'm sorry" he wept and then he bolted up from the bed and ran out of Dale Head.

Hazel cried and shook her head; he had nothing to be sorry for. She then walked round the other side of the bed and lay down beside her son, she placed her arm around him and rested his head on her shoulder and began singing to him.

TBC...


	2. Interrogation

-AARON LIVESY - WHAT DO I DO NOW? -

"INTERROGATION"

-This fanfic follows on **immediately after **_The Unseen Scene_

_..._

Aaron left the now lifeless body of his boyfriend with Hazel, he couldn't take being there any longer, and he felt like his heart had been ripped out. He sprinted as fast as he could up the village.

Paddy and Chas were stood talking outside of Smithy; she noticed her son first, he looked distraught. "AARON?" she shouted but Aaron carried on running, till he came to the entrance to a field and he ran and he intended on running till he was as far away as possible.

"I'll go..." Paddy told her.

Chas shook her head. "No. I'll catch him up...we need to have words, I'm sick of this there's always something with those lads and I wanna know what the hell's going on, he can never just be happy can he?"

Paddy raised his eyebrows. "Well I'll go see Hazel, see what's going on" he replied with a sigh.

Chas nodded before she started to follow the direction Aaron had ran in.

...

Paddy knocked on the door of Dale Head, completely unaware of what had happened moments before. Hazel was numb, her mind withdrawn and lost in her own grief. She answered the door and Paddy walked in. "I'm sorry Hazel but I need to see Jackson, I've just seen Aaron running off upset, this has got to stop"

Hazel nodded ever so slightly. "Er...er..." she turned her head to Jackson.

"Oh..." Paddy realised. "Sorry...I'll come back when he's awake..." he told her then began to turn back to the door.

Hazel reached out to him. "No..."

Paddy turned back to her.

"He's not going to" she told him, her voice shaky.

Paddy frowned. "What you mean Hazel?"

Hazel cleared her throat. "He's not going too, he's dead Paddy" she began to sob. "We tried everything, we did...we really really did!" she broke down in front of him.

"You what?" Paddy didn't understand but yet it was dawning on him what was going on. He placed his hands on her shoulders.

"W-We..." she sighed. "He wanted us to help him..." she nodded frantically. "And we did...he's free now" she smiled. "I have to call the police, like he told me"

"No...No...Hazel..." Paddy told her calmly, trying to get to grips with what she was saying. "Just hang on" he added. _He can't be dead _Paddy thought as he stepped closer to the bed and as he did he saw the empty powder stained glass on the side; he stopped beside Jackson and held two fingers against his neck, there was no pulse and he wasn't breathing.

Paddy closed his eyes and let out a long drawn out sigh. "Oh Jackson..." he whispered. And then his thoughts fell to Aaron, it explained why he was so weird earlier that day when they talked in Smithy. But this – this was something Aaron couldn't get away from.

...

Chas was out of breath by the time she found him sitting on the grass leaning up against a fence, what she didn't notice until she was closer was that he was being sick. When she did she ran until she was knelt down in front of him. "Aaron? Aaron love?" she asked, her tone soft, she'd never seen him like this before. He didn't respond, his eyes were fixed to the ground.

"Aaron? It's me...mum...what's wrong?"

"I-It's Jackson" his face scrunched as more tears fell.

"What about him love?" she rubbed his leg to try and soothe him.

Aaron swallowed hard. "I-I-I killed him"

Chas sat upright, she frowned quickly. "Ya what?"

"I p-put the glass to his mouth, a-an he drank it" he lowered his head and shook it from side to side slowly, his shoulders jerked up and down. "We tried" he said in a drawn out upsetting sob.

Chas had to clear her throat and wipe away her own tears. "You tried?" she asked.

Aaron nodded. "To make him see life was good" he looked up at her.

The sight of her son like that made her cry properly now. "Y-You mean...he wanted this?"

Aaron nodded. "What have I done mum?" he cried and she reached out and pulled him into the tightest hug possible and rubbed his back.

"We have to go back and you have to tell the police everything"

Aaron shook his head. "I-I can't go back there"

"You don't have to love...come back to Gennie's with me...the police will have to talk to you though" she told him, now frightened for him.

Aaron lifted his head up from his mums shoulder and rested it back against the fence; tears seemed to constantly flow he had no control over them. "I left it too late, I should have told him I loved him sooner" he looked up to the light blue sky as he spoke.

"No...No...Aaron you can't think like that..."

Aaron sighed and nodded. "But I do...I really do, I guess I always did..." he sighed loudly. "The night of the crash" the emotion took him over and he cried again uncontrollably. "Why couldn't I just say it back?" he raised his voice, angry with himself.

Chas reached out and shook him. "You have to pull yourself together son because nobody can help you, only you can help yourself, this is bad son, and it's probably going to get worse..." she sighed, regretting being harsh with him. "That night of the crash...I don't know what was said, what went on...but you would had your reasons for not saying it back to him...but the crash was NOT your fault...yes he was angry at you afterwards, but he LOVED you Aaron, you did this because he asked you too...he wanted it." she told him quickly.

...

Chas walked back with Aaron but he could hardly walk so she supported him. On sight of the police cars and ambulance outside of Dale head Aaron stopped and attempted to turn back but Chas tightened her hold around him. "This isn't going to go away Aaron..."

"I'm scared mum" he said blankly.

"I know love, but you have to tell them the facts..." she told him.

Aaron nodded and they continued down to the house.

Once there a detective walked out of Dale Head, he looked at the state the young lad was in, who was stood outside. "Are you Aaron Livesy?"

Aaron nodded, tears threatening to fall. "Yeah" he replied in a whispery tone.

The detective nodded. "I'm Detective Sergeant Norton...I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to come down the station, I'm arresting you on suspicion of murder..."

Aaron nodded. "Okay"

Chas let go of her son. "It'll be okay" she told him as the detective placed his arm behind Aaron and led him to the police car.

"You do not have to say anything..." Norton continued

Chas put her hands over her face and she sobbed. How could this be happening? That was the only thought that ran around her mind. The officers voice seemed to be blocked out by her own emotions. Seconds later she lowered her hands and took in some fresh air and calmed down then walked back up the village. She stopped when she saw Hazel coming out of Smithy accompanied by another detective she suspected. She watched her get into the police car.

"What's happening?" she asked as Paddy approached.

"They just asked Hazel some questions but they have to go down the station, get it all on record I expect...where's Aaron?"

"Oh Paddy" she cried. "I've never seen him like that before...he's been arrested...they're gunna lock him up I just know it..."

Paddy shook his head. "It might not come to that Chas...I was with Hazel when they questioned her; apparently Jackson has it all covered, recordings of him on the laptop, telling them it was his idea, his choice..."

Chas scoffed as she wiped her eyes. "That doesn't make me feel any better...why make Aaron give him the drink?"

Paddy knew this might come up and he was certain of how Chas would react. "Jackson didn't make him Chas...Hazel couldn't do it...so Aaron took over..."

Chas looked at him, her eyes widened. "You what?"

...

"Interview at Hotten police station with Aaron Livesy, officers present, DS Norton..."

"DC Price" the female detective added to the recording.

"Also present Mr Livesy's solicitor..." Norton continued.

"Mark James" came the addition of the solicitor's voice to be recorded on tape.

"Time is..." Norton checked his watch. "Fifteen forty five hours, sixth of June two thousand and eleven...I must remind you your still under caution and that you're here because you've been arrested on suspicion of murder"

Aaron nodded as he was sat with his arms folded against the plain dark table, the interview room was decorated quite dark too, it fitted his mood.

DC Price leaned forward slightly. "I was beginning to think we wouldn't get to chat..."

"I couldn't stay there..." Aaron replied.

"Can you tell us your relationship to the deceased?" Norton asked.

Aaron looked up at him. "Boyfriend"

Norton nodded.

"How's Hazel?" he asked.

Price's blank expression angered Aaron, he was being looked down on and he hated it, nobody could understand what he had been through, they were judging him or so it felt like. He sighed when the officers didn't reply.

"I just wanna know if she's alright, how hard of a question is it?" he sighed in frustration.

Price nodded. "She's alright, and co-operating" she told him.

"So will I" Aaron told them both.

"Good" Norton replied. "So you're here to admit to your part in the killing of Jackson Walsh..." he continued.

Aaron looked away, it was not like that. _Just tell them the facts _he remembered his mums words. "Assisted suicide" he corrected him.

"Alright, let's begin at the point when you realised Mr. Walsh wanted to end his life..." Price told him.

"I-I knew he kept a diary on the laptop...but all of a sudden he started to get really protective over it...I couldn't even put it away without him biting at me...so..." Aaron sighed. "He had to go to hospital for his routine checks...I went to the house and I looked at the diaries...they just got worse the more I watched...I sat there listening to him saying he wanted to die..." tears strolled down Aaron's face as he explained.

"So you broke into a house that is not yours?" Price asked.

Aaron frowned at her. "I had a key...and I told them afterwards...well Hazel anyway..."

"From our interview with Ms. Rhodes, the time you entered the house was March...there abouts..." Norton told him.

Aaron nodded.

"After you watched this diary, I imagine that's when you began to think of a plan..." Price commented.

"No..." Aaron shook his head. "I didn't think of anything, I was upset! My boyfriend wanted to die and you think I suddenly jumped and said okay Jackson its fine?"

"Please calm down Mr Livesy" Norton interrupted.

"Well she's suggesting stupid stuff how am I meant to react?" he breathed and calmed down.

"I understand you're frustrations but we're simply trying to get a picture of what happened to lead up to his death today" Price told him.

"So what happened after you watched the diaries?" Norton asked after seeing he'd calmed down.

"I told Hazel...she didn't want to believe me...but she came back to the house and watched it...I went back to the pub to see Jackson and by the time we got back, she'd seen it...then-then we tried to ignore it, hoping it would go away and it was just him venting...but his moods showed us otherwise."

"How were his moods?"

"Depressed, angry...lashing out..."

"And at one point he realised you saw the diary?" Price asked.

Aaron nodded. "Yeah, the day of Josh...h-his step brothers christening, Jackson said he was going to go then he changed his mind...I got angry and it came out...he was upset, it calmed down eventually and he told us he wanted out...I couldn't believe what I was hearing...but then me and Hazel realised we had to try"

"Try to do what?" Norton asked.

"To make him see how good life could be if he let it" Aaron answered as he wiped away his tears.

"And what did you do?"

...

"How long is this going to take?" Chas asked as she rested her head on the wall behind her. She remembered the first time she saw Aaron again, inside that same police station.

"As long has it has too sis" Cain replied.

A few seconds later Hazel came walking into the reception area, Chas immediately stood up, a nasty expression on her face. "You! You did this!"

Hazel looked away.

"What's happening Hazel?" Paddy asked.

"Bail...but I expect they'll charge us..." she told them miserably.

"Oh yeah, just what I always hoped for my son!" she told her angrily. "Actually what i wanted was for him to be happy but he never ever can be! Jackson couldn't see how good life was? If I was him all I'd have had to do was look at Aaron!"

Hazel reached out and slapped her hard. "You have no idea what we've both been through, keep your mouth shut..." she told her and walked over to where Cain was stood, when she turned around Aaron walked out too.

Chas looked up removed her hand from her cheek and hugged him. "What's going on son?"

"Bail" he told her as he pulled away. "I'll be charged though..."

"Well I know someone else who should be charged! It wasn't your place to give him that drink!"

Aaron sighed and stormed past his mother, Paddy, Cain and Hazel and left the station, he didn't know where he was going, he didn't particularly care either.

...

A while later Aaron walked up to Butler's farm, he saw Adam in the distance and Adam saw him too. When Adam reached him he didn't speak but simply hugged his best mate. "Paddy told me..."

Aaron noticed he'd been crying. "I'm sorry" then his emotions erupted and he cried.

"Why you saying sorry?" Adam wiped his eyes.

"Because he was your friend" his words were full of emotion and sharp to the point of what he was saying.

Adam nodded. "You did what was right for Jackson"

"Did I?" he questioned that.

Adam sighed. "Come on...let's go inside..."

"For a brew?" Aaron asked a disgusted look on his face.

"Yeah...I know it's not gunna change anything but...I'm your mate Aaron, that's not gunna change, we can sit have a brew and you can talk if you want too" Adam told him and Aaron nodded and they both began to walk to the house.

TBC...


	3. Numb

-AARON LIVESY - WHAT DO I DO NOW? -

"NUMB"

-This fanfic follows on **1 day after **_The Unseen Scene_

...

Aaron stood outside of the Barton household, a hot mug of tea in his hands; he hadn't slept much that night, he was grateful to Moira and John for letting him stay the previous night, but like he expected, they didn't say much because what would they say really? He looked out at the fields surrounding the house and he breathed in the cold air. He was pale with bags under his eyes, they were red too, he cried all night holding a cushion against his chest tightly the pain was so bad.

He wondered if Jackson could see him now. What would he say. What would he do? He hoped he could see him, watching over him like he'd promised; it eased him in the slightest possible way. Aaron closed his eyes and felt the breeze on his skin. "I love you" he whispered.

...

"How is he?" Moira asked, as she and Adam stood in the doorway watching him.

Adam shrugged. "Not good" he turned to her. "Thanks for letting him stay last night"

"It's alright love...I was in the village earlier and people were talking..."

Adam rolled his eyes. "What a surprise..."

"The..." Moira started but wasn't sure if she should be the one to tell Adam, because he'd be the one who had to tell Aaron.

Adam frowned. "What?" he asked.

"They took his body away this morning..."

Adam closed his eyes and nodded in reaction.

"Hazel was so distraught...it's doesn't bare thinking about...If I lost any of you..." she sighed.

"Hey...you're not going too" Adam reassured her.

...

"Hey mate..." Adam spoke a few steps behind Aaron.

Aaron turned to his friend and smiled slightly.

"Did you sleep at all?" he wondered.

Aaron shook his head. "Nah..."

Adam nodded. "Listen mate...my mum was in the village earlier and...They took his body away..."

Aaron let out a shaky breath and he turned back to the view of the fields. He leaned over the fence ahead of him. He felt sick.

Adam watched him, he had no idea what he was going through and he moved and stood beside Aaron and put his arm around him.

"I – I remember the day I met him..." Aaron smiled. "I went into bar west cause I was curious about it...he had his red checked shirt on and he came to the bar wanting change for the pool table" he chuckled slightly as he told Adam, his eyes fixed out to the distance. "I liked him straight away...something inside just screamed for him...an-and I got him didn't I?"

Adam nodded. "That's what you've got to remember mate..." he flicked away a tear with his finger quickly, Aaron's emotions and words were so raw it brought him to tears. "That you were the one out of millions of other men to have had him and he loved you, and you loved him back"

Aaron smiled and nodded. "Yeah...I do..."

"And he knew it" Adam smiled.

Aaron turned and looked at him. "I better get back and face the music eh?"

Adam smirked. "I'm glad you brought that up cause I didn't want too"

Aaron smiled, he understood why, incase he thought he'd kick off. "Thanks Adam" he told him before he started walking back to the village.

"Do you want a lift?"

Aaron put his hands in his pockets as he turned his head round to him quickly. "Nah, I'd rather walk mate"

"Okay"

...

When Aaron walked down to Dale Head he heard shouting, Hazel's voice and Jerry's, he frowned and quickly ran in. Jerry turned quickly. "Oh look who it is...the murderer himself!" he yelled.

Aaron didn't have the energy or strength to argue with him and he looked at Hazel. "Are you okay?"

Hazel nodded slightly. "I'm trying to explain our side"

"Oh..." he put his hands in his pockets again awkwardly.

"So come on what was it? Got bored did ya? Couldn't be bothered with him anymore? Too much hard work was he?" Jerry spat angrily.

Aaron shook his head. "He wanted this"

"As I've tried to explain!" Hazel added. "He was miserable Jerry, you weren't here twenty four seven! He wanted out, we tried and we tried, Aaron was beside himself, he couldn't imagine his boyfriend gone" she sighed. "They argued, the holiday to Whitby was amazing but it still didn't change his mind! It was all Jackson's plan, and to be honest with you, I' am so proud of him, he was brave when we were both a mess yesterday, he wanted it, your son wanted it! So don't you dare come round here acting like you care, you wouldn't have came back into his life if it wasn't for the accident!"

"Which wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for YOU!"Jerry yelled and pointed at Aaron and stepped closer, Hazel stood up ready to stop whatever might happen.

Jerry lowered his hand and head and started to cry, his shoulders jerked up and down. "He was my son" he cried.

"And I loved him" Aaron told him.

"You should have done what I said back at that hospital, left and never came back!" Jerry shouted, then reached out and punched Aaron.

"JERRY! STOP IT!" Hazel screamed and moved to him quickly and pulled him back.

Aaron impacted the wall hard, he winced slightly but other than that he didn't react he slid down the wall and sat on the floor, his knees up to his chest, he felt the blood trickling down his nose.

"Jackson would have still wanted this in the end, whether Aaron was around or not! Your hurting I know that but it doesn't mean you can let it out onto Aaron, yeah he gave him the drink...because I couldn't and I hate myself for what I've done to that poor lad!" she looked down at Aaron, he wasn't reacting, it worried her. "You need to leave" she told him.

Jerry took in a breath. "Don't worry I'm going" he stepped away from her and walked out.

Hazel knelt down in front of Aaron. "Come on love" to which Aaron shook his head.

"Where did you get off to last night? I was worried" Hazel asked.

"I-I went to Adams...I didn't know where else to go...I should have been here for you I'm sorry"

Hazel shook her head. "No love, don't you worry about that" she smiled. "I'll get something to get that blood" she told him and went off upstairs to the kitchen.

Aaron was cleaned up a few minutes later and sat on one of the single chairs.

"We just have to remember that we did the right thing" Hazel reminded him. He frowned and looked at her.

"Did we?" he asked with a disgusted look on his face. "I mean, did we really? Should have tried harder..." he lowered his head and shook it.

"You can't think like that Aaron, not now...we've been through this, it was Jackson's choice...he'd have never enjoyed life...that's just the way it is" she shrugged. "Once he made up his mind..."

"I know Hazel...I knew him too"

Hazel nodded. "I know you did love"

...

After a long silence, both of them just sat in their own grief, a knock at the door made Hazel get up to answer it. "Chas?" Hazel questioned when she barged in after opening the door.

"Ahh, here then?" she asked her son.

Aaron nodded. "I' am now yeah"

"You've had us all worried sick!" she told him angrily.

Aaron nodded. "Well you really shouldn't bother"

"Excuse me?" she yelled. "You-...Have you been bleeding?"

"It's nothing"

"What happened?" Chas asked.

"Jerry came round earlier, Aaron must have heard us shouting and he came in...Jerry was upset and angry..."

"Obviously" Chas quipped.

"And he lashed out and punched him..."

Chas shook her head and rubbed his forehead. "It just doesn't stop when your involved does it Hazel?"

"Look, I know your mad Chas, you have every right, but I didn't make Aaron do anything he didn't wanna do! It was his decision to help the man he loved and he's hurting...so layoff him!"

"And who are you to tell me that?" Chas questioned.

"A person who ALSO cares"

Chas chose to ignore her and looked up at her son. "Come on, you're coming back with me..."

Aaron shook his head. "I'm not going anywhere"

"Aaron? Come on..." she softened.

"No" he shook his head again.

"Why?"

"I don't want too"

Chas realised this was the beginning of the turmoil Aaron would endure and he needed a bit of time before she got him to stay with her. "Alright but tomorrow...you're coming back with me"

Aaron sighed and shook his head. "I'm not going anywhere! You don't get it...Jackson died yesterday mum! Right there on that bed, I talked to him after he drank the drink...I hugged him...we were close for the last time right here and I don't wanna leave!"

Chas swallowed hard and eventually nodded, she didn't speak, just simply turned and walked out.

TBC...


	4. Fighting Himself

-AARON LIVESY - WHAT DO I DO NOW? -

"FIGHTING HIMSELF"

-This fanfic follows on **1 day after **_Numb_

...

Aaron woke up in the chair opposite Jackson's bed he blinked several times then wiped the sleep from his eyes. He'd slept a few hours a bit longer than previous nights, but he felt he didn't deserve sleep after what he'd done. He sighed and sat up quickly when he saw Hazel sitting a few metres away drinking a cup of tea. She smiled at him. "I didn't wanna wake you"

Aaron shook his head slightly. "It's alright"

"I'll get you a brew" she suggested as she stood up.

"No, Hazel I don't want one" he sighed.

"Not like you to turn down a brew"

Aaron frowned and just shrugged as he stared down at the floor. A few minutes of silence befell them then Aaron spoke eventually. "I-I'm gunna be here Hazel, I don't care what happens I will be at Jackson's funeral"

Hazel smiled. "I hope so...speaking of the funeral, suppose we better get organised"

Aaron nodded. "Yeah let me sort it? If that's okay"

Hazel smiled. "Are you sure?" she asked surprised.

"Yeah...I'd like too" he smiled slightly, then looked down at the floor again and rubbed his hands together slowly, in deep thought.

"Do...Do you want to talk love?" she asked.

Aaron shook his hands. "No..." he said quietly then stood up. "I'll go and..." he pointed to the door quickly. "Start with the arrangements..."

Hazel nodded slowly then Aaron turned and walked to the door, leaving quickly.

...

Aaron walked into the pub several hours later and all eyes turned on him. He rolled his eyes and walked to the bar and his mum walked to him quickly. "You okay love?"

"Yeah, fine. Just stopped for a pint, been sorting funeral arrangements for the last few hours"

"Oh...right..." she said as she took out a glass and began to pull the pint.

Aaron rubbed his eyes.

"You don't look too good kid"

"Oh don't start will ya! I've just come for a quiet pint before I go and ask Ashley if he'll do the service alright, so just leave it" he warned.

Chas sighed and nodded. "I want you back here today please..." she added, she had to try.

"Nope." She told him as she put his pint down on the bar.

"This is on me"

Aaron frowned as he rummaged in his pocket then slapped some money down on the bar. "I can pay my way" he spat angrily and turned away from the bar.

"Look love, staying in that house isn't going to do you any good, Jackson is dead and he's not coming back" she then sighed and closed her eyes, not the best choice of words.

The anger within Aaron rose to the point he was shaking, he turned back at her, the locals' attention now on him. "I think I'm well aware of that don't you...ya know what, sod this" he put his pint back on the bar and walked out.

He calmed himself down when he left the pub and walked back down the village, he spotted Ashley putting something on the notice board just outside of the doors. This was his chance and he headed over.

Ashley turned around and he wasn't expecting to see Aaron. He smiled slightly.

Aaron sighed quietly; he was sick and tired of that look of sympathy.

"I-I've been meaning to pop round to Hazel's, offer my condolences" Ashley explained.

"It's alright...listen Ashley...I know you probably didn't have a very high opinion of me before all this...and now, well" he shrugged. "I dunno...but I wanted to ask you something" Aaron began.

"Of course" Ashley smiled.

"I..." he sighed. "I was wondering if you'll conduct Jackson's funeral, he'd have wanted you too"

Ashley's response came with a heavy sigh and he looked away uncomfortably. "I'm sorry Aaron but I can't"

Aaron scowled. "Why?"

"B-because I don't agree with what you've done, assisted suicide in the eyes of the church is-"

"Oh save it!" Aaron snapped. "I did what Jackson wanted!"

"I'm not disputing that Aaron and I have no issue with the service being held here but I'm afraid I personally cannot do the service, it's against what I believe...but I can give you a list of other vicars"

Aaron sighed, shaking his head angrily then he walked away, hands in his pockets.

...

Debbie sighed when she saw Aaron working on a car as she approached the garage. "What you doing here?" she asked.

Aaron stood properly from under the bonnet. "Working" he gave a confused look.

"Are you sure about this?" she asked.

Aaron nodded. "Yeah why not?"

"Don't give me that Aaron, you know why"

Aaron sighed. "I just wanna keep busy if that's alright?"

"Yeah sure, how you coping?" she asked.

Aaron looked around and took his gloves off. "I dunno..." he saw the owner of the car walking towards them. "I-I better get on, get this paperwork signed" he told her and walked off to the desk.

Debbie watched him and wondered if this was too soon.

A few minutes later as Aaron was talking to the customer Hazel stopped near them. "Can I have a word?"

"Yeah alright two minutes Hazel I'm a bit busy at the minute..." he told her bluntly then looked back at his customer. "...So if there's any problems just pop back and I'll see what I can do" he told him and handed back the keys.

"Thanks mate" the man replied as he took his keys back and walked away. Then Aaron turned to Hazel. "So...what's up?" he asked her.

"Well I heard you had a bit of a to do with your mum in the pub, just wanted to see if your alright" she told him.

"Oh yeah, fine...just being her usual self, you know what she's like" Hazel nodded and smirked slightly, she was concerned for him, he was keeping things in like she'd seen so many times before, but this time she knew not to push it, not in these circumstances, he'd become more unpredictable.

"I spoke to Ashley"

"Oh? What did he say?" she wondered.

"He said no...Goes against his beliefs, and all that crap...he said he'd give me a list of vicars...I'm not going back there I could punch him to be honest"

Hazel frowned. "Aaron?"

"What? Its how I feel. Jackson liked him and he wanted him to do it, and he can't even do that! Pathetic - so if you don't mind...?"

Hazel nodded. "I'll go and get the list...don't worry"

"Thanks, I better g-"

Hazel nodded. "Yeah, yeah of course, I'll see you later?" she asked.

"Yeah" he told her, his eyes blank and empty of any readable emotion.

...

It was six and Aaron walked into Dale Head, Hazel was sitting in silence holding a letter. "Alright?" he asked.

"Erm...I got this today...there's one for you too...it didn't come this morning..." she smiled trying to hide her emotions. "Posts getting later and later these days..." she sighed.

Aaron frowned and sat down. "What is it?"

"We have to go to the station tomorrow...seems they've made their decision" she told him and started to sob. "I-I'm scared..."

Hazel's words hit him hard, the decision was made quite quickly, and he didn't know whether that was a good or bad thing. "Don't be...they have the evidence...we'll be alright" he flashed a not so convincing smile. She knew he was scared too.

"Y-You're right...he covered everything..." she nodded quickly, as if convincing herself. "H-he wouldn't let us down now"

"Yeah..." he agreed his speech slow as he took it all in. The following day would decide their fate. He was scared but he knew the decision, he'd be charged...he was the one who gave Jackson that drink. He did the deed that ended his boyfriend's life and although being scared of this legal process; he wanted to be punished.

TBC...


	5. Fate

-AARON LIVESY - WHAT DO I DO NOW? -

"FATE"

-This fanfic follows on **the following day after **_Fighting Himself_

...

Aaron was outside of Dale head, the sun was shining down, the sky was blue and the birds were tweeting and village life was continuing. Aaron sighed and shook his head and walked back inside the house, Hazel was ready to go. "Have you told your mum?" she asked.

Aaron shook his head. "No, I don't want anyone to know...I just wanna get this day over with and deal with whatever's coming"

Hazel nodded, she thought he was wrong in choosing not to tell anyone else but it wasn't her place.

...

Hazel was sat in an interview room waiting to hear the decision. Moments later the door opened and her heart skipped a beat, she recognised the officer from the other day, DC Norton, he seemed a nice man, understanding but still bound to his duties which she could understand. "Sorry to keep you waiting"

"It's alright, I just want to know..." she told him.

Norton nodded. "Following reviews of the statements, evidence, interview tapes...you're free to go, you're not being charged Ms. Rhodes" he told her.

Hazel sat stunned. She frowned. "W-What about Aaron?" she asked.

"My colleague is speaking to him now, if you'd like to wait outside I'll come and see you shortly"

...

"Following reviews of the statements, evidence, interview tapes...You're being charged with murder" DS Price told him with a stern tone.

Aaron knew it but it still came as a shock, it was all becoming real. "How's Hazel?"

"She's fine, she's free to go...unfortunately you have to come with me and I'll hand you over to an officer, then I'll have your solicitor join you in a few moments" she told him and he stood and followed her out to a reception desk, one out of sight from general public.

As Price explained Aaron's charge to the desk officer, everything fell silent, he held his hands clasped together on the desk. "Empty your pockets please" came the voice of the officer behind the desk, who was in the middle of processing him.

Aaron stood still, tears rolling down his face.

Mark James; his solicitor joined him quickly and stood behind him. "You have to do this Aaron"

"I only did what he wanted" Aaron told him as he stared blankly.

"This has to be done, empty your pockets" Mark urged.

Aaron cursed himself and moved his hands off the desk and rummaged into his pockets; taking out his wallet and keys and placed them down on the desk.

Mark nodded. "I need a word with my client"

The officer nodded. "You've got five minutes" he told him and pointed to a room behind him.

Mark nodded and took Aaron gently by the arm and led him inside. "There'll be a bail hearing tomorrow afternoon...can you ask your mum to bring in a suit?" Mark said as soon as he closed the door behind them.

Aaron nodded and sniffled and wiped his eyes. "The funerals the day after tomorrow..." he said quietly.

Mark nodded. "I can't say what will happen at this hearing but it'll just be formal stuff, you might not get bail, but just answer their questions and look the judge in the eye, we need to get the court on side" Mark sighed. "Were you forced in any way Aaron?" he asked.

Aaron frowned. "No! I've already been through this with ya! Me and Hazel both did what Jackson wanted, I'm not going back on that now"

"This is a serious charge Aaron; you don't seem to be..."

"To be what, taking it serious? Well I' am. I did what Jackson wanted. My boyfriend is dead! I know how serious this is, I lie awake every night with a gut wrenching pain because its serious and it shouldn't be happening, he should be here, but he couldn't do it..." he shrugged. "He couldn't..."

"I understand how difficult this is for you, trying to deal with this and grieve at the same time...just take it easy and I'll see you tomorrow afternoon...make sure you get that suit" he reminded him.

"Grieve? I haven't even started..." he muttered as Mark left the room.

...

What had she done? Hazel left the station lost in a world of her own, Aaron had been charged and nobody else knew. Things were going to kick off and she couldn't handle that. Once back in the village she walked back to the house and lay on Jackson's bed and cried. She was forced to get up when there was bangs at the door. She opened it.

"I hope you're pleased with yourself! You pushed and pushed until he agreed to do it!" Chas yelled. "I just got a call from my son! He's been charged and I didn't even know he had to go in to hear the decision! Because ever since _your_ son, his boyfriend died he's been so withdrawn I don't know who he is anymore! They would have broken up months ago if you had kept your nose out!" Chas cried.

"No..." Hazel shook her head. "You're wrong, they loved each other"

Chas didn't need or want to hear those words. "He was YOUR son, WHY didn't you just give him the damn drink! Now my son is up for murder, I hate you so much right now and I'm sorry Hazel but I hate Jackson too, this is going to crush him! I can't afford a lawyer for a case like this! He's going to prison and it's down to you!" Chas sobbed and pushed Hazel a few steps back. "If he gets bail, _if..._I don't want you anywhere near him" she caught her breath and wiped her eyes and turned away and walked back up the village.

TBC...


	6. I Don't Do Anything I Don't Wanna Do

-AARON LIVESY - WHAT DO I DO NOW? -

"I DON'T DO ANYTHING I DON'T WANNA DO"

-This fanfic follows on **TWO days after **_Fate _

...

Chas was pacing the back room of the woolpack, it was the morning of Jackson's funeral and Aaron was nowhere to be seen, she had been told by his solicitor the previous afternoon that he'd been bailed; she was worried, he knew what day this was and he wasn't answering his phone.

Hazel sat with Bob in Dale head clutching a hot cup of tea. "This isn't fair Bob" she told him quietly.

Bob nodded. "I know, and today's going to be hard...it'll be the worst day of your life...but I'm going to be right here beside you, you can cry...you can get angry I don't care, I'm your friend and I'm not going anywhere"

Hazel looked at him and smiled and put her hand on his arm. "What would I do without you eh?"

Bob smiled and pulled her in for a hug.

...

Aaron didn't want to go home, staying in that cell one night changed something. He was more hateful and angry, still however the emotions of sadness and the constant feeling of pain was still there. He walked into the back door of the pub and as soon as Chas heard it she bolted out of the lounge. "Oh thank god!" she exclaimed and ran to her son and hugged him tightly, who didn't put his arms around her. Chas pulled away. "I've been so worried"

"Just needed to be alone"

Chas nodded. "Yeah...it's alright...when's the trial?"

Aaron shrugged and let out a deep breath. "A few weeks, I'll get a letter...I'm gunna shower" he told her.

Chas nodded. "Course love...your suits hanging up..."

"Uh yeah, cheers" he said as he walked up the stairs.

A little while later as he stood in the shower it felt good to feel the water running down him, he felt cleaner after sleeping in that cell and then he slept rough in a park...he didn't know where. He opened his eyes and sighed. He just wanted Jackson, he wanted him there, they'd shared many intimate moments and he remembered one time long before his accident when one of those moments happened in a shower, he smiled at the memory. Jackson was so hot, that image of him standing in the shower under the pelting of water would never fade. Now the droplets of water on his face were joined with tears and he kneeled down in the bath and sobbed.

Chas walked upstairs to check on him but stopped and sat on the stairs when she heard him crying. She was sad for him anyway but hearing him cry broke her heart.

When Aaron began to calm himself down he breathed and looked around the bathroom, one thing caught his eye. He frowned at the women's razor, only one thing sparked some curiosity in his dark sadness and that was the blades of the razor. His frown deepened and he stood up and reached for it.

...

Chas smiled when Aaron walked down the stairs. "You always look good in a suit"

Aaron smiled. "Yeah I suppose, Jackson thought so aswell..." he chuckled. "Anyway...we better get going..." he said a lot happier.

Chas frowned, she'd noticed the difference. Maybe he just needed to freshen up. "Yes, definitely...Paddy's waiting by the church" she told him as they left the pub.

Hazel was stood with Bob; she was staring into space as villagers walked up and into the church.

"Jerry's here..."

Hazel looked up and nodded when she saw him getting out of his car."It's alright; I can deal with him I don't think he'll cause any trouble"

"Hazel..." Jerry said awkwardly.

Hazel nodded. "I don't want any trouble Jerry, not today"

"There won't be...where's the chav?"

"He's on his way and I mean it...don't you dare! He's carrying Jackson's coffin too...so you either live with that or you don't bother, Aaron loved our son, so just think about that before you go off on one"

Jerry sighed looked at Bob then walked away.

...

Aaron hugged Paddy when he and his mum arrived at the church. "How you doing Aaron?" he asked.

Aaron nodded. "I'm alright..."

"Yeah...I know..." Paddy heard the unsaid words that Aaron was keeping in and he understood everyone did.

The hearse drove up to the door of the church slowly and stopped. The music began to play inside the church which was audible outside too, the song was one Jackson liked and so did Aaron, it was Adele's 'Make You Feel My Love' He knew he'd cry during this but he had to concentrate. Aaron looked around, Adam, Jerry, Declan and Bob were stood near the doors waiting to take Jackson into the church. "I'll see you in there" he told his mum and Paddy. They nodded and walked inside.

Jerry stood on the opposite side of Aaron at the front, which Aaron was grateful for, he didn't want trouble not then. Aaron gripped tightly on the gold handle at the side of the coffin, Jackson's head would be beside his; he closed his eyes for a few seconds and rested it against the wood. "I love you" he whispered and he opened his eyes when he felt the grip of his best mates hand on his shoulder. What would he do without Adam? They all began to step forward carrying Jackson inside the church.

_When the evening shadows and the stars appear and there is no one there to dry your tears...I could hold you for a million years...to make you feel my love...I know you haven't made your mind up yet...but I would never do you wrong_

The lyrics echoed inside the church, Aaron's breathing was shaky and tears ran down his face. Flashbacks of his short life with Jackson seemed to appear before him as he walked down the centre of the church.

Hazel sat at the front of the church next to Bob, sobbing quietly, she nodded. She approved of this song. Aaron had done so brilliantly for his boy and Jackson would be proud of him.

_I've known it from the moment that we met...no doubt in my mind where you belong..._

Aaron smiled as he remembered how difficult it was for him to allow Jackson in, because when he did, it opened up a whole new world for Aaron and Jackson belonged with him.

All five pallbearers set the coffin down at the front of the church on a stand and this allowed loved ones to put things on or by the coffin, in memory of Jackson. Aaron placed the flower football back on top of the coffin and stood next to it looking down at the gold plaque as the song continued on.

Chas frowned. He wasn't okay, that much was clear but he just stood still staring at the coffin, she got up and walked to him and placed her white lily on top of the coffin. "Come on love...sit down"

Aaron came out of his stare; he didn't even know she was there. "What?" he asked.

"Come on sit down love..." she repeated softly to which Aaron slowly shook his head. "No...In a minute." He told her

Chas nodded and walked back to her seat, a few rows behind Hazel.

Aaron let the tears fall as other people came up to show their respects and to place photos or flowers on the coffin. He just closed his eyes and listened to the song imagining Jackson stood beside him.

_I can make you happy make your dreams come true...nothing that I wouldn't do...go to the ends of the earth for you...to make you feel my love..." _Aaron let out a loud sob and his shoulders jerked as the song came to an end. _To make you feel my love... _Aaron leaned down and kissed the coffin. "I hope your happier now Jackson" he whispered.

As the church fell silent as the song ended, sniffles could be heard and quiet weeps. Aaron turned when he felt a hand on his shoulder, the hand of Vicar Jude Watson, Ashley's replacement for this ceremony at least.

Aaron nodded to him and went to sit down beside Hazel. Jerry was sat next to Bob, but he wasn't concerned with him at that moment.

...

"And lead us not into temptation and deliver us from evil...thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory...forever and ever, ahem..." Vicar Watson spoke and everyone finished with 'ahem'. "Now we all know Jackson is the reason why we're all here today and he has a few final words to say..." he told everyone and picked up a remote and the TV to the side of the coffin lit up and Jackson's face was on the screen, it had been paused ready for this service. The vicar pressed play and the DVD came to life.

Jackson's grin was the first thing everyone saw, Aaron watched intently, smiling back at his boyfriend. _"I bet you all didn't expect to see me today! But a TV in a church? Yeah proper big giveaway..." _he smiled._ "I've always wondered what it'd be like at your own funeral and I can tell ya..." _he fell silent._ "I dunno...because..." _he motioned his head in the right direction towards his coffin._ "I'm in that box...and I know some, maybe all will probably be angry with me for killing myself...I tried... I just couldn't see a life for me, everyone's different...I thought I was strong, and it surprised me when I actually realised I wasn't...I couldn't do it anymore. I really did try" _Jackson looked away off camera and took in a deep breath. "_I just couldn't see a future; this isn't me..." _he shook his head. _"Or the life that I had...and my life was good...it really was...and I met someone so special he's either going to run out or burst into tears but I don't care, I always liked embarrassing him...I had to do it one last time..." _Tears fell down Jackson's face. _"But I love him so, so much and I'm taking that with me...Aaron Livesy...I knew from the minute I saw ya you were the one, those amazing blue eyes, your smile...they just got me every time...You are the best thing that's ever happened to me and I want to say thankyou for putting up with me, even in your moods you made me smile...try not to be sad because you won't forget me, I'm not worried about that...and neither should you...we'll both still be a part of each other...just...different that's all"_

Aaron was inconsolable his eyes were filled to the brim and they were red, he missed him so, so much. He wanted all of this to be a dream.

"_And mum, I've put you through hell I hope you can forgive me; thankyou for everything that you've ever done for me...I love you"_

Hazel nodded as she sobbed. "I love you" she wept.

"_Now to my dad...I hope you can understand now...don't be mad, I wanted this...I'm sorry I didn't tell you that was my choice...I love you..."_

Jerry cried and he looked down to the floor, he felt like his entire world had come crashing down, his son was dead and he had no idea what to do now, after the accident he came back into his life purely because of that, and Jackson knew it but he'd hoped they could get back on track...they did a little bit, but not fully. Jerry would regret the time wasted with his son.

"_Nobody better be sitting there blaming my mum and Aaron because their suffering and I'm not! Thankyou for coming, everyone...it means a lot..." _he sniffed and blinked to get rid of his tears._ "I'm done..." _he looked into the camera. Aaron was still watching intently and as Jackson looked into the camera it was as if they connected one final time. _"Off" _Jackson spoke for the last time and the DVD ended.

"Now if everyone would like to wait and then follow out family and friends..." Vicar Watson told everyone.

...

Everyone who joined in the graveyard began to disperse, Jackson's coffin now lay in the ground and all formalities and plans Aaron made had been done. Hazel walked away with Bob sobbing against his shoulder and when he was the only one left he got down on his knees and just sat there. "Your mum just gave me this..." he whispered and in the palm of his hand was the St. Christopher cross that Jackson always wore. "I-I I didn't know what to say...I was speechless, I never expected anything, I just thought I'd have the memories..." he took in a deep breath and nodded. "But I'm going to wear this everyday for as long as I live...I know I wasn't easy to be with sometimes...I made mistakes - big ones and I regret them, I know you'd say don't think about the past, but I' am Jackson, every single minute of every day because if things didn't happen then you'd still be alive...and plus that's all I have now...the past. I'm not worried about forgetting you, you were too amazing to forget, you'll always be with me, always...people think I'm coping Jackson but between me and you I'm not...and I'm not gunna be fine, I won't be for a long time, but if that's the price to pay to give you your wish that you couldn't fulfil yourself then I'd go through it all again...I love you Jackson, I always will..." he looked down at his coffin and smiled slightly. "My mum and some people have said I was forced into doing what I did, and I wasn't, Hazel knows that and so do I...I don't do anything I don't wanna do..._you _should know what I mean"

TBC...


	7. Blocking It All Out Or Trying Too

-AARON LIVESY - WHAT DO I DO NOW? -

"BLOCKING IT ALL OUT...OR TRYING TOO"

-This fanfic follows on **the next day after **_I Don't Do Anything I Don't Wanna Do_

...

Aaron woke up asleep on the couch in the back room of the pub. Pain woke him. He winced as he sat up, and he was still wearing the clothes he had worn for the funeral. He looked down at his stomach; his cut from the razor blade the previous morning had started to bleed again. He'd pulled it not long before he woke.

The blood seeped through his white shirt and the door behind him swung open and he quickly grabbed a cushion to hide the blood. Aaron smiled when his mum walked in. "How ya doin kid?" she asked as she wandered over to the kitchen to make a cuppa.

"Dunno..." he replied. "I'm gunna get changed then I'm going out" he quickly got up when she wasn't looking and he turned his back to her quickly and walked out of the lounge.

Chas walked out of the kitchen area and sighed when he'd left the room. "What about breakfast?" she yelled.

"I don't want any!" came his reply from upstairs.

...

Aaron came down stairs in his overalls and he sighed and stopped on the second off last stair when Chas caught him. "Oh, work? Really Aaron?" she questioned.

Aaron scrunched his face and shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah..."

"You just buried your boyfriend and you're up in court for murder in a few weeks...you planned the funeral, you went to work, your hardly eating, your exhausted can ya just slow down please?" she tried to make him see what he was doing to himself.

Aaron shook his head slowly as his gaze was fixed on the railing, then he looked at her. "No and don't bother bringing me any lunch alright, when and if I feel like eating that's up to me, not you."

"I'm your mum Aaron" Chas told him matter of factly.

Aaron nodded slightly and pouted his lips and walked down the remainder of the stairs and stood at the door. "Well I'd be ashamed if I were you" he told her bluntly, opened the door and left the pub.

Diane walked into the back. "What was all that about?"

Chas sighed. "Aaron being Aaron...I don't know if I can help him with this"

"It's bound to take time love"

"Yeah...doesn't everything" she sighed and rubbed her forehead.

...

Aaron walked down the village, tunnel vision for the garage. He didn't see Hazel calling him as he passed Dale Head, nothing around him caught his attention whatsoever. He was in his own world, his world with Jackson in his mind, that's all there was constantly now, Jackson was on his mind constantly.

He stopped when he arrived at the garage and frowned at Cain when he gave him a confused look. "If my mum's rang you...I don't care. I'm working so if that's not good enough, I'll do one" Aaron explained.

Cain shook his head. "Calm down kid...she did ring yeah but I'm not gunna stand in your way right now so if you're up for working then...then you should"

Aaron nodded. "Cheers" he replied with a miserable tone and walked into the garage to grab some tools.

When he walked back out a customer stood waiting for either of them "Can I help?" Aaron asked.

The customer looked at Aaron properly, the frowned. "You look familiar" he told him.

"Oh do I now? Excellent. How can I help?" he repeated, his tone oozed sarcasm.

"Y-You're that lad from the paper..."

Aaron frowned. "What paper?"

"Yeah...the one up for murder, a mercy killing they're all calling it..." the man shook his head. "I don't want you touching my car _mate"_

"Er, excuse me! Who the hell do you think you're talking too? Go on do one, we don't do junk anyway!" Cain defended his nephew.

The customer glared at them both and walked away.

"Sorry Aaron" Cain said as he placed his hand on Aaron's shoulder.

"No...It's alright...gotta get used to that now haven't I?"

Cain nodded then chuckled. "Tell you one thing though...Jackson's sarcasm has rubbed off on you..."

Aaron looked at his uncle and frowned. "You what?"

"Yeah...before when you were all oh do I now? Excellent..." Cain smiled.

"Ahh..." Aaron clicked onto what he'd meant.

"You're not really here are ya kid?" Cain was concerned for him.

Aaron let out a deep breath as he looked down to the floor and shook his head. "Nah, I'm not...something's gone and I'm not sure if it'll ever come back..." he said with a sigh.

"Go on...I can manage...you need time and working won't help...please just this once...listen to me"

Aaron didn't reply for a few seconds. "Yeah" he nodded. "Okay..." he stepped forward and began to wander away from the garage.

When he turned the corner Hazel walked over to him. "Hi love...how you doing? I shouted you before but you..."

"Sorry...I didn't hear anything." He told her. Aaron seemed preoccupied to Hazel he kept looking around the village.

"Do you wanna come inside? I thought you'd have come back last night...not that you have too just you had been that's all..." she told him.

"No!" his voice rose slightly and he stepped back. "I don't wanna be in that house anymore..."

"Aaron?" Hazel was confused and her expressions showed that.

"I-I I can't...not now..." he shook his head. "Jackson died in that bed...in that house...the memories of that day..." his head shook some more; frantically this time. "I can't...I can't..." he repeated as he stepped back further away then turned round and carried on walking up the village.

Hazel watched him, she was worried; everyone knew he wasn't coping but she got a glimpse of something more, she couldn't put her finger on it but something in his eyes. She sighed as she tried to fathom it. She couldn't. She was barely sleeping, or coping either but he was different, but then the saying of everyone grieves differently came to mind and she put it down to that.

...

Aaron ran into Smithy cottage and then ran straight upstairs to his room and shut the door.

Paddy heard the front door slam from the living room and got up and went to see who it was. Then he heard one of the bedroom doors slam. "Aaron!" he called up the stairs.

"Just leave me alone Paddy!" he replied as he started to push his wardrobe up against the door. He didn't have the energy or strength it was hard work but he did it before Paddy knocked and tried to get in.

"I said. Leave me alone!"

Paddy frowned. "Come on Aaron let me in"

Aaron was breathless and he sat on the end of the bed. He didn't reply, he stayed silent and clutched onto Jackson's necklace around his neck, he closed his eyes. "Make him go away" he whispered. "Just make _them _go away" he whispered again.

"Alright! I understand okay...I do...and I'll leave you alone but you have to come out of there sooner or later, none of this is going to go away unless you face it. I'm always here Aaron, that will never change" Paddy told him through the door.

Aaron was sobbing now, still clutching the cross in his hands. "Just leave me alone" he cried quietly, shaking his head as his shoulders jerked up and down as he cried. Aaron's words were inaudible to Paddy but it was like he heard because he walked back down the stairs.

TBC...


	8. Holding On

-AARON LIVESY - WHAT DO I DO NOW? -

"HOLDING ON"

-This fanfic follows on** a few days after **_Blocking It All Out Or Trying Too_

_- This one has been difficult to write, don't know why but it's taken me days anyway thanks for the reviews so far guys! I appreciate it so much! xxx_

...

Aaron hadn't left his room in a few days he hadn't eaten and he'd rarely slept for any longer than an hour. He was exhausted, lost in his thoughts. He lay on his bed it was just gone eleven in the morning; now the second day of his lock-in, his curtains were closed, the sunlight was something he didn't want, it made everything seem more normal and better. For him it certainly wasn't. Aaron was constantly in his own world where Jackson existed still, he'd self harmed more, for him hurting himself seemed to relieve the pain he felt inside but only for a short time. Chas and Cain had been around a few times trying to rouse him out from the room but they didn't have any luck, and they didn't wanna push it, not at the minute. They left when he spoke, at least somehow satisfied that he was okay.

Paddy walked back into Smithy armed with bacon sandwiches- it was worth a try at least and he headed up the stairs, once at the top he knocked on Aaron's door. "Aaron, it's me...Paddy..." he sighed. "Obviously" he muttered. "Let me in...I'm really worried about ya mate, I've got bacon sandwiches...you don't even have to talk...just open it, and take them, then I know you've eaten"

Aaron lowered his head and sighed. He didn't want anything. "No thanks, I don't want it"

Paddy sighed and shook his head. "Right, alright...I'm going back out..." he lied, and stepped away from the door. Something had to be done. In one quick outburst he kicked the bedroom door. "Oww!" he winced. The door hadn't budged.

Aaron turned and faced the door quickly, his eyes widened then he saw his blood stained t-shirt on the floor. Paddy kicked the door again and Aaron grabbed it quickly and shoved it under the bed as the wardrobe crashed down onto the floor. Paddy was in the room; Aaron looked over to the corner of the room behind the door, a petrified look on his face and he swallowed hard. "Just leave me alone Paddy" Aaron said in frustration.

Paddy shook his head. "I'm sorry but I can't" he then noticed the direction Aaron was looking and he walked around the wardrobe lying on the floor and looked into the corner of the room to see a table laid out with photos of Jackson, his aftershave and even his toothbrush were all circled around Jackson's white t-shirt with the blue strips around the collar, the St. Christopher cross was laid as if around the neck and most sadly was the picture of Jackson's face placed inside the neck. Paddy closed his eyes. "I told you not to come in" Aaron said quietly as he looked away.

"I had too Aaron, you haven't eaten in god knows how long, anything could have happened..." he told him as he walked to the window. "Need to get some air in here" he said as he pushed the curtains open and then opened his window. Aaron winced at the bright light invading his space.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" Aaron asked with a sigh as Paddy sat beside him on the bed.

"Because you shouldn't be left alone, no-not after what happened. It's absolutely horrible what happened and you're going to struggle I know you are but this...that shrine..."

Aaron frowned.

"It's not good for you...you need to be around people who care, because right now believe it or not I do, Cain does and so does your mum and Hazel...I can't imagine how you must be feeling but it will get better..."

Aaron sat shaking his head.

"It will Aaron...and there's no reason why you can't keep Jackson's stuff but not like that...what would he say?"

Aaron turned and scowled at him. "Is that meant to be a joke?"

"Am I laughing?" Paddy asked seriously.

Aaron shook his head and looked away again. "No...He'd probably say to stop being stupid and to get on with my life..."

"And you can..." Paddy nodded. "Get through this trial and you can..." Paddy told him confidently.

Aaron shook his head. "I won't and I can't...It hurts so much, it feels like I died with him, it shouldn't have been like this...I should have tried harder" he said with such frustration that he hit his leg hard with a fist as he spoke. "I-I don't deserve to eat, sleep...anything, I don't deserve anything"

Paddy reached out to put his arm around him but Aaron flinched and jumped up. "No...I don't want it...sympathy" he spat. "I murdered Jackson! And I deserve to be punished!"

"Nooo...Aaron No! You did what Jackson wanted, and you're the bravest person I know because not many people would have done what you did for the person they love..." Paddy sat silently, realising the extent of the grief Aaron was going through, first with locking himself away and now the shrine, it was disturbing but understandable. He sighed quietly and stood up and walked slowly to the shrine and smiled at the t-shirt Jackson once wore. "He wore that quite a bit didn't he?"

Aaron sniffled through his tears and nodded, in the corner of his eye he saw Paddy reaching to hold the t-shirt. He bolted around the bed. "What you doing?" he snapped and he didn't give Paddy chance to reply before he ripped the t-shirt out from Paddy's hands. "Get off! Get off! Get off!" he screamed.

Paddy stepped back, completely stunned, he listened to everything Aaron was saying and watched him. He felt so sad for him.

In his outrage he slammed his arms on the table and swiped everything onto the floor. "It's all I have left!" he cried hard and fell to his knees. "It's all there is...it's just me and him...it always will be..." he placed his head in his hands and sobbed.

Paddy knelt down to his knees. "Don't lose who you are Aaron..."

Aaron sighed and looked up at him. He shook his head. "I-I already have" he caught his breath.

"No I refuse to believe that" Paddy said softly as he shook his head. "The Aaron I know is still in there...it doesn't matter if this one's around for a while longer" he smiled. "I'll still love you all the same"

Aaron shook his head frantically as he looked at the carpet.

"Yes Aaron, yes I will, you deserve to be loved"

"No" Aaron replied as he sobbed.

"Yes!" Paddy said more firmly as he reached out and placed his hands on either side of Aaron's face and made him look at him. "You do, you didn't murder anyone Aaron, and Jackson couldn't see a life...he was so used to his life before the accident...he wanted it and you were brave enough to help him when his own mother couldn't..."

"The accident that I caused" Aaron replied bluntly.

Paddy sighed. "How many times Aaron? It wasn't your fault!"

"It was, because I told him I loved him a few months ago...why couldn't I have said it a few months earlier...?"

"Because you didn't feel it then that's why, you have to stop thinking about the what ifs because it'll destroy ya..."

Aaron sighed. "They're all I can think about Paddy...s-sometimes I wish I'd never went to bar west that night...I'd have never have met him, then he'd still be alive"

"You'd have met him another night" Paddy replied quickly.

"And the night of the accident...if I hadn't have went outside and saw Mickey..."

"You would have at some point" Paddy replied again.

"See? He'd still be here then..." Aaron sighed.

"And this is my point exactly, you're going round in circles driving yourself mad, stop thinking about the past Aaron, it's done and gone, Jackson didn't blame you for what happened, nobody did, except Jerry but he's no-one, you helped the man you love to die...I know it's hard but you need to sort yourself out mate...the trial is going to be tough, and you need to concentrate on that unless you wanna get sent down for years"

"Yeah" Aaron nodded. "I do"

Paddy was frustrated and stood up. "I'm trying Aaron but if you're not interested in listening...I'll be downstairs...you'll realise I'm only trying to help you..." he told him before leaving the room.

Aaron sighed and shook his head; he slowly got to his feet and closed the door as best as he could, it had been burst open so it was ajar. Aaron looked around his room and sat on his bed and reached under his pillow and took out the razor blade he'd used several times already and stared at it. Then with his eyes fixed on the blade he pulled up his jumper and pressed the blade against his skin, the pressure pushed the skin inwards until the blade penetrated his skin causing blood to be drawn, he winced, the instant sharp intrusion of the blade hurt badly but then came the feeling of pleasure, his look of discomfort seemed to unnervingly change to one of pleasure as he then pulled the blade across in a line across his stomach, leaving a trail of flowing blood in the blade's wake.

Aaron closed his eyes; a slight smile curled his lips as the pain he felt as pleasure released the pain he felt inside. He didn't want it to end.

...

Paddy turned around when he heard Aaron coming down the stairs. "Wasn't expecting to see you"

Aaron shrugged. "I-I know...I just I mean I did realise...I do..." he sighed, he was in a muddle. "I do realise you were just trying to help and I'm sorry...I'm sorry for a lot of things"

"I know you are, but you can't change what happened"

Aaron shook his head. "No, you're right I can't" he agreed. "I won't be locking myself in my room anymore, I'm sorry for worrying you"

"it's alright...I'm just glad you're okay...but you should pay the rest a visit..."

Aaron let out a breath. "Yeah" he nodded again. "I'll go to the pub later and drop in on Hazel"

"You realise you can't don't ya?" he reminded him. "She's a witness Aaron"

"Yeah I know but she is the only other person who fully understands"

Paddy nodded. "Alright...no one will find out from me"

Aaron nodded. "So...bacon sandwiches..."

"Ahh..." Paddy sighed. "I binned them..."

Aaron scowled. "Ahh come on..."

"Well it's a good enough reason to get your backside out there and get some" Paddy told him with a smirk.

"Yeah I suppose" Aaron said begrudgingly as he turned and grabbed his jacket, and opened the door and left the house, he gritted his teeth as the pain from the cuts came back with force. He closed the door, took in a deep breath and walked down the village.

TBC...


	9. Hidden Till Now?

-AARON LIVESY - WHAT DO I DO NOW? -

"HIDDEN TILL NOW?"

-This fanfic follows on** a WEEK or so after **_Holding On_

_- This fic starts as Aaron's verdict is heard._

...

The court room was silent a pin could be heard. The foreman of the jury panel stood and nodded at the judge. "We have" the tall blonde woman replied to the judges' question of reaching a verdict.

Aaron lowered his head stared down at the floor. He wanted it to be guilty, his grief, guilt and depression had gotten severely worse over the last four days, witnesses taking the stand, Jackson's own video diaries stating he had years ahead of him. It made him hate himself, he knew it before seeing the diary but the fact that he should have tried harder was now permanently imprinted in his mind and he wanted to be punished.

"And your decision on the count of murder of Mr. Jackson Walsh?"

The court room fell silent again. Family and friends in the gallery waited with baited breath, this would decide Aaron's fate. Chas said clasping her hands tightly together, she closed her eyes. "Not guilty" she mimed several times as the silence seemed to go on forever.

"Not guilty" the jury foreman replied and sat back down.

Chas let out a breath and her eyes widened as she turned to Cain. He smiled at her and reached out and hugged her tightly.

...

Chas stood pacing in the corridor. "How long is he going to take?"

Paddy sighed. "Relax the solicitor just wants to have a word before he leaves"

"Why?" Chas snapped. "He's not guilty"

"Yes, we know that love but it's probably just a formality" Lisa stepped forward and placed her hands on both of Chas' arms. "Sit down love, he won't be long..."

"I hope not, I'm starving!" Adam replied with a smirk, then instantly stopped when both Chas and Cain gave him a look. "Sorry" he apologised.

"Oh, here he is..." Zak announced as he saw Aaron turn the corner and walked to them. Chas rushed over to him, as did they all except Hazel, who thought it best she kept out of the way for now.

"You okay love?" Chas asked. "You look a bit pale..."

Aaron was blank in his expression. "I've just been found not guilty...do you really need to ask that?" he spat bitterly.

"Ahh come on mate, I know you want to be punished for Jackson dying but I think you've been put through enough punishment don't you?" Adam told him.

Aaron shook his head. "No..." he replied quietly and turned around and started to walk for the doors. Chas gave in and looked at Adam. "Thanks for trying"

"Don't worry I'll keep trying until he gets it into that head of his that he's not to blame" Adam replied.

...

Aaron, Adam, Chas and Cain got out of his car once they arrived back in the village. "Right I need a brew..." Chas complained as she and Cain started walking inside Debbie's. Aaron started walking too.

"Aaron, mate..." Adam spoke and Aaron stopped and turned to him.

Adam motioned his head back away from the house. "Come with me, I've got something for ya..." his look was thoughtful, and Aaron could see it in his eyes.

Aaron frowned and slowly nodded then stepped back towards his best mate and they walked back to Butler's farm.

"After that walk this better be bloody good" Aaron told him as they walked inside the house.

"Trust me, it is" Adam nodded. "Two seconds I'll just go and get it"

Aaron nodded and stood in the kitchen, looking around minding his own business as Adam went to get whatever it was he'd been dragged there for. When Aaron heard Adam coming back down the stairs he walked into the living room. "So, come on then...?"

"Alright, this is for you...and you have to watch it, I was given specific orders and well you just have too" Adam told him as he held up a sleeve with a DVD inside

Aaron sighed, put his hands in his pockets, he was tired, he didn't feel too well and he wasn't in the mood for riddles. When Jackson's voice came at him out of nowhere he instantly turned to the TV.

"Come on..." Adam patted beside him, a gesture for him to join him and watch.

"_So...Aaron you better be with Adam watching this otherwise this is all pointless..." Jackson smirked. "When I firmly made the decision to die, I started making additional videos alongside my diaries...for you, the love of my life. I'll leave them with my mum with a note on the DVDs for Adam...I imagine she'll hand them over to him after the funeral"_

Aaron smiled with tear filled eyes; Adam looked on sympathetically and placed his arm around him. And Adam nodded; Hazel did aswell, not too long after the funeral.

"_I knew from the minute my decision was made that it would turn your life upside down and it has, I see it everyday...and it hurts so much knowing that I'm causing that but you have to know that I wanted this and you and my mum helped set me free despite what you both wanted...and I'll always love you for that, so just please try to forgive yourself and stop thinking about the what ifs because I know what you're like" Jackson smirked._

Aaron smirked too as the tears fell from his eyes. Seeing and hearing his voice again was what he'd wanted for so long but not like that, he wanted him back, not just some recording of him.

"_What I want to achieve from these DVDs is for you to recover fully and I want to try and help you, even though I'm not with you anymore I know some part of me will always be, so remember that, never forget it. I want you to find someone who will love you as much as I do because you deserve to be happy"_

Aaron scoffed at Jackson's words; he didn't deserve to be happy.

"_Oh and if you've done anything stupid then admit it, apologise and start a fresh..." Jackson spoke matter of factly; obviously he hadn't thought self harming would come into it despite knowing Aaron as well as he did. "Adam's only sitting in on this first one to make sure you watch it and to give you the next disc" _

Adam smirked. "You okay mate?" he asked softly.

"I dunno...kinda difficult...to be honest"

"I know but it will help"

Aaron shook his head. "It won't...trust me...I-I'm sorry Adam but I can't yet..." he stood up quickly. "I-I've gotta get out of here" and that's exactly what he did, he ran for the door heading for the village.

Adam shook his head and turned the DVD off, and got up and put the disc back in the sleeve. "i miss ya mate" he spoke sadly in the silence of his home.

...

Aaron ran up the stairs once he got inside Smithy, he failed to notice his mum had popped round. Chas jumped up from the dining table. "Aaron?" she called after him but got no response.

"Leave him Chas...He's not there yet..." Paddy stopped her quickly.

"Well when Paddy? He's not talking to me, he doesn't look well oh and the fact he hates himself isn't going a miss right now either"

Paddy shrugged his shoulders regretting saying a word. "I don't know...I can't get through to him, some days he's fine, then he's not...but it's not even days sometimes it's like hours in between its really freaky"

In his room he sat on his bed with a kitchen knife in his hand, Paddy had complained it had gone missing a few days ago; Aaron winged his way through that one perfectly. Paddy was furious with himself because it was one of Marlon's professional knives for cooking. Aaron could tell as he looked at it, it was razor sharp. He knew what he was doing was wrong but it helped. He unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off his arms and then threw it on the floor and glanced down at the knife again. Seeing and hearing Jackson like he had hurt so badly, his heart ached for him and he wanted it to stop, it had too, otherwise in his eyes he would go crazy, he didn't want that. He sighed. It had to stop...

"Do you think I should go and try and have a word?" Chas asked as she placed her empty mug on the table.

Paddy nodded. "Just take it easy..."

Chas nodded and got up from her chair.

Aaron was still sat on the edge of his bed, he held the bloodied knife in his hand and sat staring out of the window rocking back and forth slightly, he was pale and droplets of sweat drenched his brow. He was a mere shadow of his former self. As he stared out of the window all he was aware of was the feeling of the blood running down his stomach as it leaked from the cut he'd gave himself seconds before.

"Right then...me and you need a little chat kiddo" Chas called as she pushed open his door.

Aaron jumped up and out of his own world and reached down for one of his hoodies that were on the floor and he began to quickly put it around him, he dropped the knife and it ended up underneath the bed. "Mum! I'm getting changed!" he replied angrily.

"Tough...I have seen it all before you know...I did used to change your nappies..."

"Oh yeah? For how long?"

"Oh right, I'll pretend I didn't hear that then on the simple fact alone that you're going through hell right now" she told him as she walked to where he was and sat beside him on the bed.

"I don't wanna talk before you start..." he told her calmly.

"Tough Aaron, you're gunna have too"

"There's no point, it doesn't help and it certainly doesn't change anything"

"No it won't change anything but it might help. You don't know cause you haven't tried talking, you keep running away from it" Chas sighed, frustrated already with her son after only seconds of trying, she looked to the floor and rubbed her forehead. She saw a splatter of red on the carpet and frowned then looked up at her son slowly. "Aaron?"

"What?" he snapped.

"What's that?" she asked her voice shaky.

"What's what?" he scowled at her.

"That!" she shouted as she pointed at the splatter on the floor.

Aaron looked down at the floor and saw the mark the knife had left when he dropped it in order to hide it from her. He swallowed hard and looked at her, he panicked and the look in his eyes told Chas that she had every right to be worried. Aaron shrugged. "No idea" he told her quickly then he looked ahead once again, trying to avoid it all.

"You're lying!" Chas yelled. "W-What is this? Are you trying to scare me because that looks like it could be blood! Are-" her frown deepened, she couldn't believe she was about to ask the question she was. "Are you hurting yourself?"

Aaron sighed and shook his head, then stopped and stood up. "I don't need this!" he told her as he began to walk past her.

Chas quickly grabbed his arm and pushed him back down, but she pushed his arm into his stomach and he winced with pain and his face scrunched as the pain ripped through him and he sat back on the bed clutching his stomach.

"Show me" she told him.

Aaron shook his head slowly as he began to cry...

TBC...


	10. Exposed

-AARON LIVESY - WHAT DO I DO NOW? -

"EXPOSED"

-This fanfic follows on** immediately after **_Hidden Till Now?_

...

The room was silent, Aaron lay back on an elbow on his bed as he clutched his stomach with the other hand. "I said show me" Chas repeated.

Aaron's tears kept falling and he turned to her and stood up slowly and he reached for the zip on his hoody and slowly pulled it down, he wiped his tears away, seconds later the zip has reached the bottom and he pulled it away.

Chas gasped as she saw the blood of the fresh cut and several other cuts that were healed and some that were still healing. "Oh my god Aaron" she said in a whispery voice.

Aaron didn't reply he closed his eyes. He wanted to disappear, for the ground to swallow him up. He had hurt her now too because of this, but he couldn't help it.

"H-" Chas swallowed hard and looked up at him. "How long have you been doing this?"

"A few weeks" he told her.

"Weeks?" she asked with a raised voice. She sighed hard. "Makes sense..." realising the time being just after Jackson died. "Why?"

"It, it just helps" he caught his breath as the emotion overwhelmed him and he wiped his eyes again. "It takes the pain away; I don't expect you to understand"

"Oh no you're wrong I do understand, I understand the pain you feel but cutting yourself Aaron and god knows whatever else"

Aaron sighed and sat down beside her. "It was the day of the funeral...I was in the shower and I saw a razor...but I wasn't interested in shaving, I wanted the blade..." he told her honestly. "And I got it, and as soon as it went into my skin, I felt pleasure...and I felt better for a few hours but it came back and I've kept doing it..."

"It has to stop son now before you seriously hurt yourself or worse, you need help" Chas told him.

Aaron shook his head. "No...I don't want help and I'm not going to stop either..."

"But you have too; this is NOT normal Aaron, so...so what? You gunna keep doing this for the rest of your life? Jackson is gone and he's not coming back, no it's not what you want to hear but it has to be said, he got what he wanted and do you know what? I HATE him for that, because it's destroying you, and I don't know how much more I can take of seeing you like this"

"Well do one then! I don't need you!" he spat angrily. "I just need myself and Jackson!" he screamed. "Go on...get the hell out!" he shouted as he started to push her off the bed.

"Aaron?" Chas asked as she listened to his outburst as she was being forced out, she stood up to stop herself falling off the bed, he continued to push her all the way to the door. "Jackson's not here love"

Aaron nodded. "He is! He's here...all the time..."

Tears fell from Chas' eyes as she stood out on the landing. Paddy walked to the bottom to hear what the fuss was about. "Everything okay?" he called.

Chas looked down at him then back at Aaron. "You're not well son...come on...let me help you sort that out and we'll talk..."

Aaron shook his head frantically. "No!" he raised his voice and slammed the door but it still hadn't been fixed since Paddy kicked it in so it bounced open a little.

Chas sighed and sobbed hard as she walked down the stairs. "What the hell is going on Chas?" Paddy asked as he put his arm around her when she reached the bottom and led her into the kitchen.

Chas calmed herself and caught her breath as she sat at the dining table. "Oh Paddy what do I do? I-I...I found blood..." she put her head in her hands and her shoulders jerked as she began to cry again. "He's been hurting himself Paddy and I don't know what to do!" she told him angrily as she sobbed.

Paddy's eyes widened. "W-What you mean?"

"I mean he's been cutting himself, he's a mess and he won't listen..." she breathed and relaxed into the chair.

Paddy stepped for the stairway but Chas reached out and stopped him. "No...Leave it for a while..."

"That's what caused all this in the first place!" Paddy argued. "Leaving him!"

Chas sighed. "Please Paddy"

Paddy sighed in frustration and turned around and clicked the kettle on to boil quite angrily.

...

"They keep saying you're not here you know but I told her you are but she isn't listening, you are here because I can see you"

The image Aaron's mind was creating of Jackson lying on his side next to him nodded.

"I know you're probably mad and have a few words to say about me hurting myself but I can't help it Jackson, the pain of losing you is just too much...it helps for a while but it comes back...I loved you so, so much sometimes I just never realised how much but I do now, I know you're gone and you can't come back but I see you _I' am_ seeing you" Aaron frowned. "I'm confused, I don't know what's happening I don't understand any of it but you're here, that's the main thing..." Aaron's frown turned to a smile as he looked into the amazing brown eyes of Jackson. "I-I should have noticed before but you've got long eye lashes"

Chas had walked up the stairs with a cup of tea for him and to check he was okay but when she heard talking, it scared her and she stopped outside his room and watched through the gap in the door where it was ajar.

Aaron smiled again. "Just perfect...all of you, I want you so much it hurts all the time...oh and video diaries to help me...I know you liked P.S. I love you but seriously? I can't face up to a recovery like you said, I just can't...it's too soon...I-I don't know how long grief lasts, I-I know it'll never go away but the initial hard bit...maybe soon I'll watch them but..." he sighed. "But right now, I just want to be buried right next to you in the ground, that's all I want..." Aaron wiped his eyes. "I miss you"

Chas swallowed hard after hearing the admission of her son to a useable Jackson that was worrying anyway but wanting to be buried with him, that was something else and she didn't know what to do.

TBC...


	11. A Long Climb Back To The Top

-AARON LIVESY - WHAT DO I DO NOW? -

"A LONG CLIMB BACK TO THE TOP..."

-This fanfic follows on** a few days after **_Exposed_

...

Chas walked up to the garage, Paddy told her he'd left early, it wasn't the best idea but who could stop him? "Can I have a word?" she asked.

"No not really kinda busy here if ya can't tell?" Aaron replied as he looked up at her from under the bonnet.

Chas nodded slowly, she wasn't going to listen to that. "Ah well, you can listen then, the other day scared me so much I haven't slept since"

"You know how I feel then" he quipped.

Chas sighed. "Just shut up" she sighed again, she wanted him to talk now she was telling him to be quiet. "You hurting yourself has to stop, a-and I heard you..."

Aaron frowned and realised what she'd said. "Heard me?" he asked tentatively.

"Yeah, talking to Jackson"

"Oh...and how much did you hear?" he asked; now she had his full attention and he got up from under the bonnet and stood properly.

"Most of it I think...and one part I didn't actually wanna hear but it was said anyway"

"That I wanted to be buried with him?"

Chas nodded. "Yeah, that hurt so much"

Aaron looked away. "It was how I felt at the time..."

"And now?" she wondered, hoping he'd changed his mind or that it was just because of his mood and state of mind at the time.

"I do wanna be buried with him but I'm not going to do anything stupid if that's what ya mean"

"Do you mean it?" she asked softly.

"Yeah, I do"

"Good" she let out a sigh of relief. "You don't look well ya know"

"So I'm told, everyone I've seen today seems to think they have a right to an opinion, Val, David, Edna, Pearl...Charity, so yeah nearly everyone"

"They're just concerned son"

"Why? I'm no one to most of those people"

Chas shrugged. "It's just the way some people are...do you feel alright?"

Aaron shook his head in frustration. "Not really"

Chas stepped forward. "Why? Tell me?"

"I just feel sick, exhausted, banging headache..." he explained.

"Can you do me one thing and leave work and just come back to the pub with me?" she asked. "Please...I can't imagine how Hazel must be feeling now and I don't wanna know what it feels like so just let me look after you, please Aaron"

Aaron thought about it, he really didn't want to argue either so he nodded. "Alright, just let me close up then I'll be there"

"It's okay, I'll wait"

Aaron frowned. "I don't need a babysitter"

"Okay...alright" she stepped back, she didn't want to anger him. "See you in a few"

"Yeah..." he replied with a sigh as he watched her walk away.

...

As he closed the garage, he walked past Dale Head he hadn't seen Hazel much since the trial and he felt guilty that he hadn't been looking out for her like he'd promised, he stopped outside and walked up to the front door and knocked.

Hazel answered a few seconds later, Aaron instantly noticed how exhausted she was too. She managed a faint smile. "Aaron, I wasn't expecting you..."

"Nah, me either...I-I'm sorry I haven't been around much-"

She cut him off "No, no don't you worry about that I understand"

Aaron smiled a little. "How are you doing?"

"Erm, I'm alright you know, I have good days, bad days...Bob is helping a lot...do you wanna come in?" she wondered.

Aaron shook his head quickly. "No...Sorry" he apologised once he realised how abrupt he was with his reply. "I just can't I'm sorry...I don't think I'll ever be able to go back in there...I don't know you do it"

"It was our home that's why, a part of him is still here with me, it helps sometimes"

"I-I see him sometimes" Aaron admitted.

Hazel frowned. "What do you mean love?"

"I mean I see him clearly lying next to me, and I speak to him and I know he can hear me but he never speaks back...not once"

That worried her. "Aaron love...you can't have seen Jackson..."

"I know but he was there clear as day right in front of me"

"Grief can do strange things to people Aaron, maybe this is just a way your mind is trying to come to terms with it"

Aaron scowled at her. "If I'm not willing to come to terms with what I did then how the hell is my mind trying too?" he spat. "I won't let it!"

"Calm down love..." she spoke calmly as she watched him get all worked up.

"Every single day since Jackson died I've been in hell! I'm not me anymore, I'm not eating, I'm not sleeping, I'm not talking, all I do is talk to Jackson, see Jackson, cry for him, want him!" Aaron began to get breathless. "I even made a shrine!" he sighed, letting it all spill out seemed invigorating although he knew how stupid some of it was.

Hazel frowned. "Aaron love, calm down it's alright..." she looked around and saw Adam walking down the village, she managed to get his attention and waved him over without Aaron noticing.

"I think about the what ifs! I punish myself..." Aaron was on a tangent and he didn't know but it was doing more harm than good. He chuckled slightly "I wish it was me who died! Not him...ME"

Hazel shook her head as Adam was almost near. "You don't mean that"

"Oh I do...ever since I killed him all I've done is wish I had!" he gasped for air.

Hazel lowered her head. "It wasn't your fault!" she raised her voice at him

"Woah mate..." Adam stepped in and put his arm around him. "You need to relax...okay..." Adam frowned when Aaron's breathing became heavy and he couldn't seem to focus his eyes.

"Hazel call Chas!" Adam said with urgency. "Aaron, mate! What's happening? What's wrong?" he asked.

Hazel nodded and ran into the house

Aaron's vision was blurry and he felt light and his body came over all warm. Seconds later his knees gave way and everything around him went black.

Adam supported him as he began to fall and he lowered him down gently onto the grass outside of Dale Head. He tapped his cheek harshly several times. "Aaron! Aaron come on mate, don't do this!" he said through gritted teeth as he looked around, trust the village to be quiet, he needed help and quickly.

Hazel ran back out. "Oh my god...I-I called her...she's coming now, what happened?"

"H-he just collapsed; he's still breathing..." Adam told her, then they both heard the clatter of high heels on the pavement getting louder the closer they came.

"What happened?" Chas demanded as she dropped to her knees beside her son.

"He collapsed..." Adam told her.

"He came to see how I was then he started getting all worked up...I saw Adam up the village and I called him over to see if he could calm him down...he seemed to take a weird turn, then I called you..." Hazel told her.

Chas nodded, holding back the urge to let all her frustrations out on the woman. "We need to get him back to the pub"

Adam nodded. "Or in here?" Hazel asked.

"I don't think he'd like that very much when he wakes up" Chas replied quickly.

Hazel didn't reply, her expression was sad, she missed having Aaron around but she understood why he didn't want to be there.

...

Back in the woolpack Aaron was still unconscious. Chas walked in the back room seeing Adam sitting at his side on the couch where Aaron was lying. "I called the doctor, he can't get out to visit but he told me not to worry, he'll wake up when he wants to do and when he does make sure he drinks plenty of fluids...kinda already knew that but never mind..."

"I shouldn't have pushed him..." Adam told her quietly.

"What with love?" she asked.

"Jackson recorded some messages for him for after he'd died...to try and help him recover...I had to make sure he watched the first one...he lasted a few minutes and did a runner"

Chas nodded. "I wouldn't worry about that Adam...it's the least of my worries right now..."

Adam turned and frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Oh uh...nothing...just the usual stuff..." she realised what she'd said and tried to cover it but Adam sensed it was more. "No...What do you mean?"

Chas sighed. "He'll kill me if he knows that you know...it's private...he knows its wrong...lift up his t-shirt"

Adam frowned. "What?"

"Just...lift it up..."

Adam turned back to Aaron and lifted up the t-shirt and saw the cuts along his stomach, he put his hand to his mouth and the tears filled his eyes.

"But he said he can't stop..." Chas continued.

"He has too..."

"I know that but I don't know what to do Adam...he won't talk to me...I knew he wasn't well for weeks we all saw it but I never thought it was that...and this...this is easily fixed, sleep food and water...the rest is anyone's guess" Chas sat quietly thinking about the DVD plan Jackson had made. "I want you to make sure he sees every single one of those DVDs Jackson made for him, it's the only thing I can think of that might work...but again it could make him worse...If it does I'll drag him to a counsellor myself, but let's try that first"

Adam nodded. "I'll make sure he sees them"

"Do you know what's on them?" she wondered.

Adam chuckled. "Yeah...plenty of harsh words, things he wants him to do, challenges etc..."

Chas smiled. "I said I hated him for what he's doing to Aaron...but...this plan he's made secretly...I wanna take it back..."

"Why don't you?" Adam asked.

"Because it hasn't worked yet..." she replied as she watched Aaron sleeping.

"I think it will, we all know what Jackson was like...loving, caring and most of all fun...if Aaron can just remember properly even just the slightest bit of Jackson the way he was then it's a good start.."

Chas smiled and nodded.

...

Aaron began to stir and his eyes flickered open a few hours later, he was groggy. "What? Where am I?" he asked.

"It's alright...you're in the pub mate you collapsed..." Adam told him.

Aaron began to sit up slowly. "Oh..."

Adam nodded. "Just take it easy...and that sandwich is to be eaten..." he reached for it and placed it in Aaron's lap.

"What are you on guard duty or something?" Aaron frowned.

Adam nodded with a smirk. "Oh yes..." he chuckled. "Anyway me and your mum have been talking...I told her about the DVDs and she thinks it's a good idea that you watch them..."

"Do I have a choice?"

"Nah, not really no..." he replied as he reached for the remote, it was all ready for him waking up.

Five minutes had passed and he'd watched the next message from Jackson, he sat stunned, half of the sandwich had been eaten. "He wants me to do karaoke? Is he having a laugh or something, this is cruelty..."

Adam chuckled. "No I don't think he is...what is this karaoke thing anyway?"

"After the accident when he first got his chair, I snuck him out of hospital and we went to Bar West, Hazel joined us and the two of them ended up singing together, I obviously refused...but..Now...I feel like I should..."

"That's the spirit lad!" Adam grinned. "Don't worries I'll get you smashed...that way the embarrassment won't bother ya"

"Good plan..." Aaron smirked and sighed. "I really went off on one with Hazel..."

"Yeah but to be honest from the sounds of it mate it would have come out with anyone"

Aaron nodded. "What about my mum when you two talked? What did she say?"

"That she was worried, scared...for you...all she wants to do is help you but you don't make it easy..."

Aaron nodded slowly. "Anything else?" he turned his eyes up at his mate. "I don't mind if you know...just don't hate me..." he said with a wary face.

Adam sighed and nodded. "Yeah mate I know...I don't hate you" he shook his head. "I don't understand why you'd do that to yourself...you could have seriously damaged yourself..."

"I've let you all down haven't I?" he said quietly.

Adam instantly shook his head. "Not a chance...you lost your boyfriend Aaron, it was so soon...it was never going to be easy...nobody feels that way we just wanna help." He told him. "So Bar West?"

Aaron smirked. "Karaoke's on, on a Thursday..."

"Sorted then" Adam grinned. "Am I alright to leave you alone for a bit, I think your mum will wanna see ya"

Aaron nodded. "Yeah sure"

...

"I'm sorry for having a go lately..." Chas told him as she sat beside him.

Aaron smiled slightly.

"What's going on son? What's in your head?"

"Him...all the time...it's him..." his voice whispery as a lump in his throat worsened, he knew this would come, the talk, he wasn't going to fight it this time. "I can't sleep...I can't breathe...and it's never going to go away...This isn't how I wanted to remember him...like that...dying...It's all I can see..." Aaron wiped his nose and eyes. "I looked into his eyes and he smiled at me...then I heard his last breath and that was it...he was gone...why did I do it?" he asked her. "W-why couldn't you see what was happening...any of ya..." he began to sob. "You're meant to be my mum...you're not meant to let things like that happen" he cried.

"Well then you've gotta let me in Aaron, let me know what's going on, I want that more than anything..."

Aaron nodded, his vision was blurred and he couldn't see through the tears. "I'm sorry"

Chas nodded accepting his apology and she reached out for his hand and squeezed tightly. Aaron appreciated the comfort and support he'd allowed from her but it just upset him more. "Can you make it go away?"

"Oh love..." she frowned and reached out to him and hugged him tightly. "Just let it out love" she whispered as she rubbed his back soothing him.

"Help me mum" was all he said, it was hurting and it was heard by Chas, after all the years of his rejection it came down to that moment of being let in, she never expected it, but she was going to do whatever she could to help her son through it. No matter what, Aaron's sobbing grew in intensity and she tightened her hug around him and held him close.

TBC...


	12. Acceptance

-AARON LIVESY - WHAT DO I DO NOW? -

"ACCEPTANCE"

-This fanfic follows on** a few days after **_A Long Climb Back To The Top..._

...

Today was the day he moved in with his mum at the pub, all his stuff was packed he just had to get it there, he was dressed in his usual attire sat on his bed, he sighed and got up and walked downstairs to Paddy. "Morning" he smiled.

"Morning mate how you doing?" Paddy asked.

Aaron nodded. "I dunno" he smiled slightly as he sat down.

Paddy nodded in understanding. "So I spoke to Hazel early this morning..."

"Oh?" Aaron frowned.

"Yeah she chose Jackson's headstone...it's getting put down today" he explained.

"Oh..." his frown deepened. "Right..."

"You okay with that?" Paddy asked, concerned as he saw the frown.

Aaron nodded. "Yeah...Yeah it's just..." he sighed. "...shouldn't be like this, him dead in the ground"

"I know but you'll get through it...you seem to be coming out of yourself more now..."

Aaron nodded. He agreed with that. "Yeah but it scares me"

"What does?" Paddy wondered.

"The whole moving on thing, I didn't want too before, part of me still doesn't I just wanted Jackson...and I still do but not in a psychotic crazy way like I was before" he smirked.

"Listen mate you'll always want him back but you have the memories of him...you haven't stopped wearing that necklace for one" he told him with a smile.

Aaron looked down at Jackson's cross around his neck and smiled. "I know...I've just gotta keep going" he nodded.

Paddy smiled. "You're right...and you will I know it don't be scared of it because you'll never forget him, it won't disappear, he's always with you"

"Thanks Paddy" Aaron replied with a smile. "Listen I-I hope you don't feel well I dunno really but cause of move you know, I don't want you to feel pushed out or that I'm ungrateful for what you've done for me"

Paddy nodded. "I don't and I'm still here just because you're moving in with your mum doesn't change anything, I'm always here for ya and you can come round whenever you want"

Aaron smiled. "Cheers, right..." he sighed. "I better start moving my stuff..."

"Want a hand?" Paddy asked.

Aaron stood up from his seat at the table. "No I'm alright; just got a few bags the rest can be binned"

"Alright if you're sure?"

Aaron nodded with a smile and turned to the door and walked upstairs to grab his stuff.

...

Chas smiled widely and held her arms out for him, in the back room. Aaron smirked and shook his head as he walked to her and hugged her. "How you doing love?" she asked.

"I'm alright" Aaron replied as they parted.

"You sure?"

"No but that sounds better than complaining" he told her matter of factly.

Chas frowned. "Hey, I don't mind you know what happened was serious, I don't expect you to be fine straight away"

"Well I'm not" he scoffed. "To be honest anything that can cause harm to me is really sticking out at the minute"

Chas sighed. "Please don't Aaron" she pleaded.

"It's alright, I'm resisting" he smirked.

"Good, so all your stuff sorted?"

"Yeah I put it upstairs...erm me and Adam are going out tonight, is that okay?" he asked.

"Yeah I know" she grinned. "I'd come but I'm busy here"

"You know what it is don't ya?"

Chas chuckled. "Karaoke yeah...I'd love to see that but like I said..."

"No...No really I'm pleased you're busy here" he grinned sarcastically.

"Oi you behave..."

"Why? It's gunna be awful and in Bar West...just too many memories" he said sadly as he looked at the floor.

"Listen love...this is the reason for Jackson's DVDs...he had sort of an idea how you'd be...and he wanted to help you he knows Bar west will bring back memories that's why he's doing it" she told him with a smile. "So you can face it and accept what you shared there and the same with what's to come on these DVDs"

Aaron nodded.

...

Ashley saw Aaron approaching the church and he jumped at the chance to try and make amends for not conducting Jackson's funeral. He walked to him.

Aaron scowled.

"Aaron...I-I just wanted you to know that because I didn't conduct the service doesn't mean I didn't like Jackson b-because I did it's just assisted suicide..." Ashley sighed, this was a difficult subject.

Aaron sighed. "Yeah I know you said just leave me alone Ashley, I'm going to visit my boyfriends grave right now and I'd appreciate it if you'd but out!"

"You cannot speak to him like that!" Edna raised his voice as he walked passed her by the main doors of the church.

He shot a glance at her. "Oh yeah and who says eh? Who the hell do you think you are anyway, always sticking ya nose in aren't ya?" he said aggressively as he passed.

Edna was furious and she shook her head frantically as he passed.

"He's going through a lot Edna" Ashley told her.

Edna nodded. "Yes I know that but it still doesn't excuse behaviour like that!" she fumed, then turned back to go inside the church.

A few minutes later Aaron approached Jackson's plot, he was nervous for some reason, he saw the headstone now but not the engraving he feared that once he saw it, it would become real...and that the images of Jackson he saw and still did would disappear and he wouldn't be around anymore. He took a deep breath and walked around the headstone, once he saw the engraved words on the light grey headstone he felt a gut wrenching sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, _Loving Son & Boyfriend _He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly as he got to his knees. The sick feeling remained but it was less than before. "You certainly were" he smiled. "Listen...I-I know I haven't been here since the funeral...a lot has been going on and if you've seen then I just want to say I'm sorry but I can't help it...I feel guilty all the time, I miss you every single second, you're the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last before I go to sleep. I know I can't change anything but I'd do anything to have you back..." Aaron looked around the grave yard. "I just wanted you to know that" he smiled slightly. "Now...though I have to go get ready for tonight...and yes before you say it's the middle of the afternoon but you know how long it takes me to get ready, and I suppose I'll have to eat under guard by my mother...and unpack...I moved in her with her in the pub...I know I'm surprised too..." he smiled. "Oh and I'm not dressing up to pull..." he shook his head. "Nah...I'm just gunna get smashed with Adam and do your damned karaoke" he chuckled, tears filling his eyes as he did. He caught his breath. "I love you so much" he fell silent and stared at the headstone. "I'll see you soon" he told him and he stood up and slowly walked away, apprehensive about the night ahead but he'd go and do it, whether he was drunk or sober, he had to; for Jackson. This was the start of the recovery and he hoped Jackson's messages would help him.

TBC...

_Hey guys, thanks for reading and reviewing! Means a lot...Now I wanna bring a character into it...and I'd like your opinion...I was thinking Ed or Flynn, but not sure which? Or if not either of those, I can make a new character :) D xxx_


	13. Two Steps Back?

-AARON LIVESY - WHAT DO I DO NOW? -

"TWO STEPS BACK?"

-This fanfic follows on** the same day as **_Acceptance_

...

Aaron ran down the stairs of the pub, he was dressed in dark jeans, shoes, grey jumper and a black jacket, he walked through into the bar and Chas stopped what she was doing and looked at him. "Wow" she said.

Aaron chuckled as he turned to her, now on the other side of the bar. "What?" he asked.

Chas smiled. "Nothing I just haven't seen you like this in a while..."

"What? Not looking a mess?" he smirked.

"Well I wouldn't put it like that but yeah"

David chuckled. "Scrubs up alright don't he?"

Aaron looked at him and smiled. "Yeah, yeah he does" Chas replied proudly.

Aaron scrunched his face. "Mum!"

"What? It's the truth, anyway have fun, don't do anything stupid and don't wake me when you get back"

"As if your gunna manage to get to sleep till I'm back here" he laughed.

"Well...you know I'll try..." Chas replied.

"Yeah, yeah, anyway better go kept Adam waiting long enough" he told her as he walked to the doors.

"Okay see ya love!" Chas called after him.

...

Both lads arrived in Hotten a while later and headed down the road to Bar West. "How you feeling about tonight mate?" Adam wondered.

"Erm..." he shrugged. "Nervous...people will know in there...they'll be talking...dunno what to expect"

"Right well if people stare and talk about you, ignore them. Jackson wanted you to do this, so just remember that mate and do it for him, and I'll be there all the way" Adam reassured him.

Aaron nodded and smiled. "You're the best do you know that?"

"Yeah as a matter of fact I do" Adam replied confidently then laughed, so did Aaron but he stopped when they arrived at Bar West, the loud bustling of music, laughter and happiness caused his heart to skip a beat and not in a good way. "Certainly karaoke night eh?" he asked as he caught his breath.

Adam looked right at Aaron. "You can do this mate, trust me. Now let's get in there, get smashed, remember Jackson and remember you can laugh and cry whatever you want I don't mind"

Aaron nodded and smiled before turning and pushing the door to the bar open and walking in.

...

An hour later Aaron and Adam were sat at a table having their third pint, it had been a while for Aaron so he felt half gone already. He chuckled. "Ahh I'm a mess already, useless or what?" Aaron said over the noise, as they watched one of the lads on karaoke.

Adam smiled; he was drinking them slowly, so he could be able if he needed to help Aaron home. "Don't matter mate, just enjoy it..."

Aaron nodded with a slight smile. "We sat over there" he told him.

Adam smiled. "When?" he wondered.

"The night of the crash, he told me we were boyfriends and he kissed me" he told him with a small smile.

Adam smiled too. "Must have been good to hear?"

"Yeah" Aaron nodded. "It was...I felt comfortable then and nothing else mattered"

Adam nodded. "He's looking over again" he teased.

Aaron shot a look at him. "Tough, stop looking, I don't want anyone coming over, I don't want anything like that alright?"

Adam chuckled. "Alright alright...anyway...we're up next..."

Aaron frowned. "We?"

Adam nodded. "Karaoke..."

"Oh god" he sighed and dropped his head in his hands.

Adam laughed and but his arm around him. "It'll be fun...I didn't think you'd do it if you were alone when it came to it...I'm sure Jackson wouldn't mind..."

Aaron lifted his head as he shook it.

"Good...drink up..."

"W-W-Wait...what song?"

"You're favourite of course!" Adam grinned and Aaron eyed him curiously. He had a few favourites, that didn't help.

"Alright you lovely lot up next Aaron and Adam...best mates apparently but who knows what goes on behind closed doors eh...come on up...give them a huge applause..." the DJ announced through the microphone.

Aaron sighed then saw Adam's disgusted look at the DJ's comment and he burst into laughter. Both lads got up and stood on the stage, Adam leaned into Aaron. "He's still looking"

"Will you shut up and sing the da-..." his frown turned into a grin when the beats of 'Written in the Stars' echoed throughout bar west.

"Told ya it was your favourite..." he winked and they both started watching the monitor for the lyrics, smiling uncomfortably, all eyes were on them.

Adam raised the microphone to his mouth and started. "_Ohhh written in the stars a million miles away a message to the main ohh_h...s_easons come and go but I will never change and I'm on my way" _when he finished he looked at Aaron smirking. "Your turn mate!" he yelled.

Aaron rolled his eyes. "Yeah I get the hard bit eh?"

"You should know it anyway!"

Aaron frowned then raised the microphone. "_Let's go!...Yeah you're listening now, They aint heard nothing like this in a while_, _that's why they play my song on so many different dials cause I got more f***ing hits than a disciplined child, when they see me everybody brrrrrap, brrrrrraps..._

A while later the boys stepped down from the stage laughing as applause and hoots blocked out any other noise Aaron sighed quite happily as he sat back at their table. "You weren't bad mate" he commented to Adam.

"Yeah you too eh? Didn't know you could rap" he smirked.

"Me either, just know the song I suppose"

Adam nodded and drank the rest of his lager.

...

A while later Adam looked at the DJ who was walking over to their table

"Hey lads" he said.

"Alright?" Aaron asked and Adam nodded to him in greeting.

"Listen I've had a lot of people asking if you'll go back up and sing Aaron...it's a thing I've started doing, whoever they want comes back up and sings a random song I set if they want too, interested?"

"I'm a bit drunk mate I dunno..."

The DJ laughed. "It's sometimes best that way mate!"

"Go on mate!" Adam encouraged.

"What type of song?"

The DJ shrugged. "Whatever comes on shuffle" he laughed.

Aaron nodded. "Yeah alright..." he told him as he began to stand up and make his way back to the stage a little clumsily on his feet.

"Right so I managed to get him back up, cheer him on...and remember he has no idea what songs coming so be nice!" the DJ told everyone and they began clapping.

The slow guitar strums then a drum beat kicked in, he knew this purely because of his mum.

The lyrics started but Aaron was late and he became all confused and missed a few words and started to catch up. "...y-_you showed me how, you promised me you'd be around, uh huh... that's right..." _Aaron laughed and shook his head. Pink, Chas liked Pink and this song 'who knew' he knew but maybe not to the extent he was going to realise. _"I took your words and I believed in everything you said to me yeah uh that's right..." _he took a breath, his eyes stared at the screen and he began to realise what the lyrics were saying._ "If someone said three years from now you'd be long gone I'd stand up and punch them out, cause they're all wrong, I know better cause you said forever and ever...who knew?"_

Adam sat watching from the table and he lowered his head, he sighed. *Not good...not good* he thought to himself. A minute or so later the song was almost over, Adam could see the emotion on Aaron's face and hear it in his voice, yet he was amazed he was still up there singing...Aaron wasn't a singer, and he wasn't perfect but he wasn't doing it for him or anyone else in the bar, it was Jackson. *You better be watching this mate cause he'll never do this again I tell ya* he thought to himself.

"_I keep you locked in my head, until we meet again, until we meet again, and I won't forget you my friend..." _Aaron frowned. _"What happened?" _he took a breath, intending to finish the song without any breakdowns, despite Jackson being at the forefront of his mind, while he sang and stood on that stage_. "__If someone said three years from now you'd be long gone__I'd stand up and punch them out__ c__ause they're all wrong and__that last kiss__I'll cherish__until we meet again__and time makes__ i__t harder__I wish I could remember__but I keep__your memory..." _Aaron sang, looking out at the crowd in particular. "You visit me in my sleep...My darling...Who knew?" he saw Jackson standing at the back, it was him watching and smiling, and he gave a slight nod, Aaron took it as approval and tears filled his eyes. "My darling, My darling, Who knew? My darling, I miss you, My Darling, Who Knew...Who knew?" the music faded and so did the image of Jackson, everyone clapped silently it was news to a lot of people that Jackson had died and how it came about, they didn't cheer, just clapped silently understanding and being respectful to Aaron and the grief that was torturing him.

Aaron nodded and stepped down and walked to the bar, quickly swiping his eyes as he reached it. "Vodka please double" he told the barman. He nodded and got his drink. He placed it down and Aaron paid, then immediately downed the double shot of vodka. That felt better, he sighed and walked back to the table and sat down.

"You alright mate?"

Aaron nodded. "I saw him"

"You what?"

"Standing at the back, smiling and he nodded as if he was pleased...am I going crazy Adam? I keep seeing him around and it's not normal, what the hell do I do?" he asked with frustration clear in his tone.

Adam sighed. "You do nothing mate, it must be a nice comfort to see him but it's just you're grief...it's still there I can see it...I know you're having fun here but I can see it mate and it doesn't matter you'll get better and better as time goes on, this place was where you both met, you had to come back" he smiled.

Aaron stared blankly into his pint. "No...I wish I could go back" he told him sadly.

"I wish I could help mate I really do..."

Aaron turned to him and smiled. Then he heard a familiar voice and looked up.

"Mind if I join ya?" Flynn asked.

"No, no not at all mate, how you been?" Adam asked, but he jumped slightly when Aaron kicked him under the table.

"Yeah not too bad, college is done for the year so..." he told them and smiled awkwardly. "Sorry, I-I'll go..."

"No, I will" Aaron replied and stood up and walked to the toilets.

Adam sighed and rubbed his brow.

"Sorry mate" Flynn apologised.

Adam shook his head. "No...It's not your fault mate; I just don't think he's ready for someone who was sort of in on the situation with him and Jackson..."

"I'll go talk to him" Flynn told him and began to get up.

"Sure...but I can't promise it'll be nice..."

Flynn nodded and headed off to the toilets, when he walked in Aaron was resting up against one of the sinks allowing the cool water to run off his face. "Aaron...you alright mate?" he asked.

Aaron stood straight and grabbed some paper from the dispenser and dried off his face. "Yeah..."

"It...It's okay if you don't wanna talk about Jackson..."

Aaron looked around the toilets feeling uncomfortable that he'd been mentioned.

"I'm just glad to see ya"

Aaron smiled, however his expressions were less than enthusiastic. "Yeah well you have been staring at us all night..."

"Yeah sorry about that" he apologised. "Not bad on karaoke" he complimented.

Aaron chuckled and shook his head. "Well I had to do it so...couldn't get away from it"

Flynn nodded. "Not feeling too chatty are ya?"

Aaron stayed silent, praying for someone to come in to give him an excuse to leave.

"Look I know you don't wanna talk about him but I know how you felt about him and whatever you did, you did for him"

Aaron nodded as he bit his lower lip. "Bet everyone in here's talking about it"

"Yeah well there'll be something else for them to gossip about soon enough, it must have been so hard...it still is, isn't it?" Flynn asked.

Aaron sighed as he nodded. "Yeah"

"He must be on your mind a lot" Flynn closed his eyes and sighed. "Look I'm sorry my mouths running away with me tonight..."

"Change the subject then"

"Alright but I just wanna say that what you did"

Aaron pinched his nose and turned away quickly then looked back at him.

"...Was the bravest thing anyone could have done, I don't know anyone who could have done that, I know I couldn't...Aaron...?" he spoke but frowned then tried to get his attention.

"What's this? You trying to be my mate?" Aaron asked bitterly.

"Yeah" he nodded.

"What cause you think I'm good? You think I'm brave?"

"Yeah"

"Well I'm not! I'm not brave!" he said more aggressively, tears filling his eyes as he spoke and looked directly at Flynn. "I-I wish I had never met Jackson because none of this would have happened!"

"You don't mean that" Flynn told him.

"Yeah I do, I made a mistake and it cost him his life! And I still remember the look in his eyes when I told him he was paralyzed" he placed his index finger up to his head. "It's there all the time...and when he couldn't live with his new life...he wanted to die! I made him lose hope...I couldn't make him happy...I couldn't make him see that life was worth living" Aaron wiped his eyes. "So I killed him! You still wanna be my mate?"

Flynn nodded. "Yeah..." he swallowed hard. "Actually I do"

Aaron scoffed and turned away. "I stuck a glass of poison to his mouth and made him drink it! Anyone who gets anywhere near me gets hurt, I'd stay well away mate..." Aaron stopped and glared at him as he walked by him to the door. Aaron left the toilets, grabbed his coat from over his seat.

"Woah mate where you going?" Adam asked.

"I'm off...had enough I did the stupid karaoke so now I'm going" he told his mate harshly.

Adam frowned.

"Just leave it Adam!" Aaron called back to him as he made his way through the bar to the exit.

Adam sighed and sat back in his chair wondering what changed.

...

Aaron rushed through the streets of Hotten, he was wound up, sad and angry, and he didn't know where he was going. His eyes were sore from the tears as he walked along the street he tripped up on an uneven flagstone and fell to the ground, one of his hands slid across a broken shard of glass from a beer bottle, he winced in pain but the feeling of pleasure followed, he shook his head. *Ignore it...you're hurt, that's how it feels, it hurts* he tried to remind himself as he stood to his feet and looked at the long cut along the palm of his hand. He saw a taxi along the street and he waved to it then ran for it, he wanted to just get home, he just hoped his mum had managed to get to sleep while he was out, he didn't want to have to explain the nights events or more importantly the cut on his hand cause she wouldn't believe him; he knew that much.

TBC...


	14. The Next Stage

-AARON LIVESY - WHAT DO I DO NOW? -

"THE NEXT STAGE"

-This fanfic follows on** the next day after **_Two Steps Back?_

...

Aaron looked around the graveyard as he knelt down in front of Jackson's headstone. He took in a deep breath and blew it out slowly. "Sorry I haven't been here in a while, just had a lot going on...did the karaoke" he smiled as he spoke. "Yeah...wasn't too bad after all, looking forward to watching the next DVD though, oh I uh saw Flynn last night aswell, had a bit of a to do and no before you even think it, nothing is going on I don't want it too, I don't want anyone" he sighed and looked around. "Except you but that'll never change, what do I do now Jackson really?" he waited then smirked. "Yeah...I don't know either...I'll see you soon, gunna go and see Adam, see what you've got in store for me next"

...

Chas saw Aaron walking out of the graveyard and she marched down the village to him, her expression stern and worried. "AARON!" she yelled.

Aaron sighed and stopped in his tracks then turned to face her. "WHAT?" he shouted back holding out his arms then dropping them by his side again.

"You stay right there you, we need words!" she warned him as she pointed at him as she got near.

Aaron frowned. "What's up with you?" he wondered as she stopped in front of him.

"You! Your what's up with me, you don't call, you're not in the pub when I wake up and I find blood on the t-towel in the kitchen what the hell are you doing?"

Aaron's frown turned into a scowl. "I fell over" he told her

Chas let out a laugh. "Yeah as if...come on son you can't keep doing this..."

"If I was which I'm not by the way why would I be so stupid to leave evidence behind?"

Chas sighed, he had a point. "Alright...I'm sorry but you better be telling me the truth!"

"Yes I' am, Jesus!" he exclaimed.

"I'm just making sure" she spoke more calmly now. "So...been to the grave?"

Aaron looked away and nodded. "Yeah" he simply told her.

"Well that's good" she smiled. "It really is"

Aaron nodded sarcastically. "If you say so, I'm off, got stuff to do"

Chas nodded and watched him walk away.

...

"Helloo!" Aaron called as he walked into the Barton household. "Oh...sorry Moira, Adam said you'd be out and to just come in" Aaron explained awkwardly.

Moira was stood in front of the doorway. "Well a few minutes later and I would have been" she smiled. "Don't worry about it; he's in just give him a shout"

Aaron nodded. "Thanks" he said as he moved out of the way to let Moira out, once the front door had shut again he walked to the bottom of the stairs. "Oi! Muppet get down here!" he shouted then walked to the couch and sat down.

"Alright mate" Adam was nervous Aaron obviously hadn't heard the extra set of footsteps coming down the stairs.

Aaron turned to face him and then immediately stood up. "What the hell is he doing here?" he snapped.

Flynn lowered his head awkwardly.

"He's here cause I asked him to come round, I know you wouldn't forget about the next DVD so I figured-"

Aaron cut him off. "You figured what Adam?" he spat. "You figured that if you got Flynn round here then you'd talk me into pouring out my feelings, I did that enough with him last night and he knows it!"

Adam sighed.

"I should go" Flynn spoke up and started backing off but Adam stopped him. "No mate, just wait a minute please"

Aaron was fuming; he was gritting his teeth and pacing the floor.

"I'm just trying to help you Aaron and if you think I got Flynn here for anything other than just trying to be a mate then you're wrong, I know you're not ready, I just thought because of your history it might help to have someone else to talk too!"

Aaron sighed. "Like I said I talked enough last night, are you gunna give me this DVD or what?"

"Why so you can do a runner?" Adam questioned. "Look mate please just sit down and see what happens, you might talk"

Aaron scoffed and looked at Flynn. "Any other surprises you wanna spring on me?" he asked and both Adam and Flynn looked at each other. Flynn sighed. "Adam gave me your number again last night"

"Oh. Great" he gave a look to Adam and sat himself harshly down on the couch again.

"What happened to you last night after you left?" Flynn asked.

"I fell over and cut my hand then got a taxi home"

"Yeah" Flynn frowned. "I saw that's why I asked"

Aaron looked over and frowned at Adam. "What you been saying?"

Adam shook his head. "I haven't said a word"

"Why? Is there something I should know?" Flynn asked.

"No. You've got nothing to do with me" Aaron simply told him then he sighed. "Stick this DVD in then you won't give it me otherwise, suppose I'll watch it here"

Adam smiled and nodded. "Yeah suppose you will" he said as he grabbed it from the side and walked to the DVD player and put in the disc.

...

Flynn stayed with them while the DVD loaded and he'd not moved while Aaron listened to his now dead boyfriend on the screen.

Aaron watched intently, he was happy hearing his voice again but his smile disappeared when Jackson mentioned Flynn. "_I think you should get back in touch with him, if not him then get yourself back out there and see if you can pull" Jackson smirked._

Aaron shook his head, Flynn watched Aaron's reaction and sighed quietly and carried on watching.

"_-Anyway I'll shut up you wanna know what's next?"_

"Yeah actually, kinda the whole point of this..."

"_Alright, keep your hair on...Adam should have the info but you my man are going to conquer that fear of heights that you have, yeah remember Whitby? I do" _

Aaron sighed and placed his head in his hands. "Oh god" he sighed.

"_Don't worry you're not going back but I've organised for you to abseil" Jackson smiled widely. "Right I'll leave you with that I can imagine how horrified you are right now, I love you, and think about what I said, gotta start moving on..."_Jackson left him with that and the TV went black.

"So, Aaron what do you say?" Adam asked grinning.

"I say no" he told him and got up and walked to the kitchen and fled through the front door quickly.

"I'll go after him" Adam said with a sigh, it was all becoming a bit too much lately but it was understandable but yet he just wished Aaron would try, because he wasn't, his negativity was putting himself down, he didn't want to do anything. Adam, now Flynn and even Jackson were trying to help him. How long was this grief going to last? And the answer to that was nobody knew, not even Aaron.

TBC...


	15. Facing Fears

-AARON LIVESY - WHAT DO I DO NOW? -

"FACING FEARS"

-This fanfic follows on** the next day after **_The Next Stage_

...

Adam sighed as he walked outside his home, he wasn't working on the farm that day He looked around quickly before heading to the quad bike. He couldn't find Aaron the night before, he'd looked everywhere, he wanted to try and catch him so he could apologise for bombarding him with Flynn. Adam knew he could have done and handled it all better than he did. He hadn't slept much because Aaron wasn't answering his phone and because he had no idea where he'd gone.

Adam brought to the quad bike to a stop when he saw Aaron sat on the steps to the cricket pavilion.

Aaron shook his head and sighed as Adam took off his helmet and got off the bike.

Adam walked over. "Had me worried sick mate"

Aaron stayed silent but watched him sit beside him.

"Come on mate, listen I'm sorry about last night" Adam told him sincerely and moved his arm around Aaron.

"Leave me alone, don't want to speak or see you right now" he told him harshly and pulled away causing Adam to do the same.

"Aaron just listen mate"

"Don't mate me. Ambushing me with Flynn? That's not what mates do; you know I don't want anyone else never mind THAT idiot." He spoke angrily and got to his feet and walked away.

...

"What time do you call this? This isn't a charity" Cain called as Aaron was approaching the garage.

Aaron pulled out his phone from his pocket "10:30" he replied bluntly with a quick sarcastic smile.

Cain bit his lip while shaking his head and carried on what he was doing.

Moments later a car slowed down and stopped outside the garage, a man stepped out giving Cain the nod "Aaron see to this guy will ya"

He sighed loudly "I'm doing something you do it"

"Aaron! I'm the boss" Cain replied sharply.

Aaron threw his tools down inside the car, he looked up and edged close to the man "What the hell are you doing here?"

Flynn raised both hands, trying to calm Aaron down "Calm down I just want to talk to you"

"Well I don't" Aaron's voice was getting louder.

Cain frowned "What's going on lads? Problem Aaron?"

Aaron scowled "Nothing I can't handle, he's leaving"

Flynn sighed "Look Aaron, I heard what Jackson said on that DVD, remember? And its fine, I'm not here for anything more, we're just mates...at least I hope we can be?" Flynn looked away quickly then looked back at him "Listen...I'm staying at the B&B, pop round tonight we can talk" he then walked off looking back seeing a very confused Aaron.

Cain stopped behind Aaron "What was that about?"

"Nothing" Aaron answered bluntly.

"You need to start facing up to things mate, it was blatantly not nothing" he told him then left him to work.

...

It was now 10pm, Aaron was sitting at the edge of his bed with a new shirt on, ironed jeans, which he'd done himself, he was impressed with himself, he wondered what Jackson would have said however if he'd been alive and seen him doing that for himself. He also wore brand new trainers. With his head in his hands, he wasn't sure why he had made an effort with his appearance and with the words Jackson had said on his latest video, he started lightly hitting his head with the palm of his hand.

He then stood up violently and started unbuttoning the shirt; he pulled it off, screwed it up and threw it at the mirror that stood before him. He then also took off the jeans and trainers, grabbed his black trackies blue t-shirt and blue hoody and then headed down the stairs, leaving the pub.

Flynn was sat in an armchair in the bar area of the B&B drinking a pint of Lager, being watched avidly by Val & Amy.

"So what's a good looking lad like you doing staying here alone? Hm?" She asked motioning her head toward Amy, to which she received a playful slap on the shoulder from her foster daughter.

Flynn smirked "I'm visiting a couple of friends, thinking about moving to the area" he replied as he took a sip of his drink.

The next minute Aaron came in, as soon as he laid eyes on Flynn, his heartbeat increased and he began to feel panicked "Alright Aaron? Never seen you in here before what's up?" A very puzzled Amy asked him. Aaron put his hands in his pockets and awkwardly nodded towards Flynn, who stood up. "Ahh I see" Amy began to leave while pushing an unwilling Val into the restaurant area.

"You came" Flynn smiled warmly toward him.

Aaron scowled gritting his teeth "Looks like...but I'm not talking here"

"Ok...Pub?"

"No" he then ran out, shortly followed by a confused Flynn.

"Aaron wait up" he shouted as he caught up with him.

"Why is it you have to do things in public all the time?" Aaron yelled back.

"Two guys can have a chat you know, doesn't mean something's going on"

"Damn right it isn't" he replied bluntly before walking away once again.

Aarons speed increased as a few villagers seemed to leave the pub. Aaron had it in his head that they had heard what was just said and were putting two and two together, and he couldn't handle it.

Flynn looked on worryingly and decided to go after Aaron "I'll regret this" he sighed to himself as he then began to run after him.

...

Aaron sat on the steps to the cricket pavilion, staring up at the dark clear starry night. The sound of creaking wood made him turn around, it was Flynn "What? Why is it you're always creeping up on me? Leave me alone stalker"

Flynn sniggered and sat beside him causing Aaron to move as far over to his side as he possibly could. "Stalker? Oh come on Aaron, I'm just trying to be your mate, what's so wrong in that really? From what I can see you need all the mates you can get pal"

Aaron turned and scowled at Flynn.

"Can we just talk please Aaron?" Flynn asked again.

Aaron shrugged "Talk all you want...don't expect me to listen."

"Look, I'm not the rampant monster you think I am. I'm not going to jump on you, I-" he sighed. "I just want to be your mate; you're a good guy deep down Aaron, I'd love to get to know you that's all, no funny business I promise. If what Jackson said-" he stopped when Aaron cut him off.

"Don't you dare say his name. As if you know him or know me for that matter" Aaron spoke harshly, and he knew it.

Flynn frowned and looked away then back again. "I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you, all I was trying to explain was that I'm not wanting to *date* you, I just want to be mates that's all nothing more, nothing less. I'll prove that to you"

Aaron turned to look at him with an intrigued impression.

"I'm staying at the B&B for a while, I'm hoping to move round here it seems nice, but only if it's ok with you? I don't want to cause you more upset, I think you've been through enough, just tell me if you want me to leave Aaron, and I promise I will".

Aaron just shrugged his shoulders, but on the inside he was happy Flynn was sticking around. He knew he cared it reminded him of Jackson, another man who stuck around no matter how much he tried to push him away.

Flynn smiled and stood up "I'll leave you too it mate" And as he walked down the few steps onto the field he stopped and turned around "Adam said you're doing the abseiling tomorrow, I'll come if you want me too?"

"Please yourself, don't care" Aaron spat back.

Flynn continued to walk, and took out his phone and started to send a text: _**Aaron, its Flynn, This is my number text me anytime if you want to talk mate :) x**_

...

A few hours later Aaron quietly let himself back into the pub. As he was slowly closing the back door the light came on.

Chas was stood half asleep in her dressing gown "Aaron! Where've you been? Why didn't you answer your phone?" She demanded.

"Around" He bluntly replied while brushing past her making his way to the kitchen. He got himself a lager from the fridge and threw himself onto the sofa.

Chas sat on a chair at the dining table. "Cain said you had a bit of trouble at the garage?" she asked.

Aaron threw his head back and sighed "Wish he'd mind his own business" he spat.

"Well... What happened son?" she asked.

"Nothing, just leave it will ya?" he replied.

Chas knew not to push him any longer but this was becoming ridiculous, 'leave it' 'it's nothing' and 'do one' were his usual replies but not this time. She had to make him talk. "No I won't leave it Aaron, you don't talk to anyone, you have to let us in kid otherwise it'll eat away at you" she told him.

Aaron sighed.

"Is it to do with Flynn? I saw him going in the B&B earlier"

Aaron saw red.

"No! Don't do that Aaron, so it is then. What happened?" she asked.

"He err, he came to the garage" Aaron explained.

"Ah right, and you felt uncomfortable?" she asked.

"Yeah" he nodded. "You're not my counsellor you know" he told her with a slight smirk.

Chas smiled. "Well someone has to be eh?" she chuckled. "You know kid, Jackson would want you to move on and if it is with Flynn or it isn't what's the harm in seeing how things go? If not then you'll have a mate Aaron, and from the sounds of things already he's not going to let you push him away"

Aaron looked thoughtful and took a swig of the lager.

"Sound familiar?" she asked.

Aaron made eye contact with his mum and nodded then looked away again. "I'm gunna take this up to bed"

Chas watched as he got up, he seemed calmer now so she let him go. "Night son" she told him and he replied as he walked out of the lounge.

...

Early the next morning, Adam was parked round the back of the pub in his dads four by four, he beeped the horn letting Aaron know he was there; Aaron shortly came out and got into the car. "Alright lad?" Adam asked.

"S'pose so...let's get this over with" He replied.

"Oh Aaron..." Adam spoke quietly. "Erm Flynn said he was going to tag along today" he mentioned cautiously.

"Whatever" Aaron replied

Adam looked at him, surprised he didn't kick off "Nice one"

After picking Flynn up on the way out of the village, the ride to the centre where they'd then go off for the abseiling was very quiet.

...

An hour later, they had been briefed on the safety aspects of the abseiling, and on all of the equipment. All three lads were harnessed up and ready, and were now stood at the very top of the cliff. Aaron stepped closer to the edge and his stomach felt as though it was rising up to his throat. He let out a deep breath; he couldn't do this that was his first thought. But he was going to, he was there and ready anyway. Then his thoughts turned dark, for the first time in a while and it shocked him_ Just jump_, his eyes widened, he knew where it came from he just thought he was getting better, maybe it was a reminder that he wasn't fully there yet.

"You ready for this?" Flynn asked as he stepped closer to Aaron.

Aaron turned around and nodded. "Um yeah are you?"

Flynn nodded with a smile. "Step back from the edge will ya mate, making me nervous..."

"Oh..." Aaron looked back down at the drop then turned back to Flynn and stepped away from the edge. "Sorry" he told him as he walked by him back to Adam.

"Alright boys, the guy has just said we're ready, come on!" Adam shouted from a few metres away and Flynn and Aaron walked over and joined them. Moments later they all began their abseil in pairs. Aaron and Adam went down first followed by Flynn and a professional.

TBC...


	16. Falling Free

-AARON LIVESY - WHAT DO I DO NOW? -

"FALLING FREE"

-This fanfic follows on** immediately after **_Facing Fears_

...

"Not a bad day is it?" Adam asked cheerily.

Aaron turned his head to face his mate who was a few metres to the side of him. "Not really noticing mate seen as though I'm dangling from a rock face!" he spat, his voice shaky.

"Ahh come on it's not that bad!"

"Yes it is"

"You're not free falling from a plane though, so what's worse?"

"Both! I was so close to doing that flipping jump aswell, Hazel wouldn't let it go for months" Aaron argued as he held the rope tight with both hands and then heard Flynn chuckling from several metres above him.

"What you laughing at?" Aaron looked up angrily.

"You, just chill out you'll be fine"

"You will all of ya will, lads just take your time...tell ya what Aaron...tell me why you're doing this eh? Take your mind off the height, just keep your eyes focussed on the rock, nothing else and breathe" the instructor told him and finished with a snigger, he found it funny. Although he'd seen this many times, people who were scared of heights came to try and overcome them, he commended that but sometimes he had to really make them concentrate on what they were actually doing.

Aaron did exactly what he was told and focussed his eyes on the rock face in front and lowered himself down gently. "My boyfriend died actually...he was in an accident and he was paralysed from the neck down, he survived but he didn't want to live, I helped him die." He told his story matter of factly.

"I see did you get in trouble for that?" the instructor asked from above.

"Yeah there was a court case, was found not guilty. Now I'm trying to come to terms with it all, before he died he'd recorded video messages for me, just normal conversations, it's nice to hear his voice" Aaron smiled as he remained focussed on the cliff. "And he's told me to do certain things to help me grieve I suppose, today is one of them"

"Is there a reason why abseiling is one of the things you have to do?" the instructor asked again.

"Cause when he was alive I organised a parachute jump to try and change his mind from wanting to die, I was going to do it with him until it was all explained properly, I bailed"

"What was his name?"

"Jackson" Aaron replied.

"Well then you're doing this for him aren't ya? Just keep thinking that and concentrate, I don't have any accidents on my record and I don't want one today alright"

Aaron nodded. "Alright" he nodded feeling a bit better about it now.

...

A while later Aaron and Adam were almost at the bottom, Aaron was feeling confident now that he'd done it and it was nearly over, well in about a hundred and fifty metres it would be. Aaron allowed his rope through the descender some more and pushed himself away from the rock face and moved down several metres but when one of his feet landed on the rock again, parts of it crumbled away and fell crashing to the ground metres away and Aaron lost his footing and he began to fall down the rock face.

"Aarghh!" Aaron screamed out.

"Aaron!" Adam yelled, to which the instructor heard and quickly looked down but the safety equipment had stopped him hard and clenched the rope, much like a seatbelt if the passenger moved fast or jerked forward.

Flynn saw this too, Aaron was struggling to regain his footing against the cliff. He was breathing hard, his heart was pounding in his chest and he was sweating.

Adam made his way down to him as fast as he could, but he didn't notice however that Flynn was already moving fast down to reach Aaron and he'd past Adam. Adam watched him as he kept moving, he didn't have time to think but what he did understand was that Flynn wanted more than mates.

All men were panicked and as Flynn stopped by Aaron, he took a breath. "Alright mate?"

"I would be if I could get down" Aaron grunted but there was a smile on his lips.

Flynn nodded. "Lower yourself slowly, you can do it"

Aaron nodded and he allowed the rope to pass slowly through the descender.

When they reached the bottom, Aaron sat on the ground he'd asked them all to leave him alone for a minute and Flynn and Adam did so without argument which surprised him. Despite the safety equipment stopping his fall he chose to think that it was Jackson, after all at the karaoke he had seen him in the crowd, and some form of him was still around, his essence. Aaron felt it every day; he needed it.

...

Once they arrived back in the village Adam headed off home and Flynn started walking to the B&B and Aaron stood on the steps at the pub watching him go. "Flynn"

Flynn stopped and turned and looked back at Aaron.

"Wanna come in for a pint?" Aaron asked.

Flynn quickly smiled and nodded before walking back to him.

Inside the pub Aaron didn't look around, he simply took the lead and walked round the bar.

"Oh what's this?" Chas asked smirking.

"A drink if you stop mithering me and let us go through the back"

Chas nodded and let Aaron passed, she nodded to Flynn and gave him a smile. He smiled back and raised his eyebrows. *Typical Aaron* they both thought.

In the back room Aaron moved to the radio and turned it on, then walked into the kitchen and grabbed two cans of lager from the fridge. Flynn sat down, all of a sudden he felt nervous, Aaron wasn't one for talking so why now he wondered, but he was glad.

Aaron turned back and walked slowly to the sofa where Flynn was sat and he took a deep breath. He sat down next to him and cracked open his can as did Flynn. "You okay after that bit of panic?" Flynn asked.

Aaron nodded. "Uh yeah...won't be doing that again though, just did it for Jackson"

Flynn smiled. "He'd be proud"

"I do hope so" Aaron replied with a smile, and he turned and looked at Flynn and their eyes made contact and a flashback filled his mind of his kiss with Jackson inside smithy cottage, the circumstances now were a little different but the feelings Aaron remembered in that flashback were the same as this moment that was happening, he just didn't know it. He realised he should let Flynn in and that he possibly could have feelings for him, maybe he always did, but his bond with Jackson overpowered that.

Flynn watched Aaron seemingly edge closer toward him. "Aaron you don-..." he stopped when Aaron pulled back.

"I-I'm sorry..." Aaron apologised and looked away awkwardly. "I-I dunno what I'm doing"

Flynn frowned. "What do you want to do Aaron?"

Aaron sighed heavily. "I wanna move on Flynn, I was about to kiss you, I shouldn't have done that but I like you, I suppose I did when Jackson was around, I just didn't think we could go anywhere, I'm still not sure but I do like you...I'm just as confused as ever" he put his head in his hands.

"It's alright Aaron" Flynn smiled. "Take your time, I know I said mates and that is fine but if you want more than that then, that's fine too cause I like you too, I knew it the first time I saw you in Bar West"

Aaron lifted his head and nodded at him with a smile. "See how it goes?"

"Yeah" Flynn agreed and nodded.

_**About bloody time too! **_

Aaron let out a chuckle and looked up at the ceiling and shook his head.

Flynn frowned. "What's up?"

Aaron shook his head. "Erm, nothing...feels good that's all"

TBC...


End file.
